Wednesday, June 01, 2011

A Curious Argument

LL and I have had a rather sad and bizarre argument. This is the result of us both having unintentional time off work (read, being bloomin sacked, not of our choice).

When LL was made "redundant" (lord I hate that word, in Canada we called it being "laid off", which is only slightly better), we were in the midst of building our extention. So, when she found herself at home, it was with a house full of builders. As we were doing work in the existing part of the house, as well as the new extention, there was, litereally, no escape. This had all finished by the time I was let go, so I had much of the day rattling around in a very nicely new and larger, but completely empty house.

Though we're probably both somewhat right, we each contend the other had the easier time. Me, by the fact that she had no choice but to get up and interact with other human beings, her, that I had the time and space to sort myself out.

As much as I would generally call myself a bit of a loner, I found it very hard to be alone so much. I am naturally shy, and avoid large noisy gatherings of people like the plague. Yet, I also understand myself enough to know that I need to be around other people. Even if I sit there quietly lost in my own mind, I like having others about. I'm naturally affectionate, the monkey in me, and need physical contact like I need air. So being totally alone, especially when fighting depression, was... not nice. The destructive thoughts would spiral, going from bad to worse.

For LL, she fekt she had NO time to herself. No space to properly think things though. No 'me' time. Yes, it forced her to get up and interact, but all she wanted to do was the opposite.

Like I said, I think there's truth in both positions. I think it was good she didn't have too much time alone, I think it could have been very self destructive. Yet, I entirely get the fact it meant she had no space to heal, and it meant dragging out the pain. I'm not entirely sure LL got my side of the argument. A lot of her anger that led to my sharp kick to the ass was down to her feeling I was being self indulgent and lazy, leaving all the work to her.

Quite painfully, there is a grain of truth in that, but it also denegrates the very real pain I was going through, so its been difficult lately. We're getting there, as we always do, It helps, a lot, that we're both gainfully employed again, and that the kids are blissfully happy in their own lives.


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