Friday, January 12, 2007

The Truth

  1. Sorry to disappoint most of you, but this is completely true. I’ve done a lot of diving over the years, am a qualified instructor. One day many years back I was diving off the coast of Vancouver Island. My buddy motioned me over, and there to our mutual delight was a Pacific Giant Octopus. The beasts can have a wingspan up to 3-4 meters. They rather shy creatures, tending to hide during the day (though quite tasty). This one was tucked up between some rocks and appeared a monster. My mate reached out to stroke it, generally a no no, and not something I would have done. A tentacle twirled out and wrapped around his arm. They are actually fairly delicate, and mostly harmless so long as you don’t stick a finger up their beak. He reached up to start to peal it off when another tentacle twirled around that arm. Laughing I joined in to have tentacles wrap around my arms. Took us a good five minutes of pure comedy to get unravelled. It’s a very cherished diving memory.
  2. No one called this one out, you’ve clearly sussed out my alcoholic tendencies. It was a club at uni, with an annual initiation usually restricted to engineering students. A lot of my mates where geers, so I was invited along. I’ve got a pretty serious capacity, so thought it would be a doddle. Its one of only two times I can honestly say my memory blanked. It took days to recover from the hangover.
  3. I expected this one to be pointed at, but it too is completely true. In the dark depths of my past I was part of a historical recreation society. I played Knights in armour and it was good fun. Still got a well bashed suit of armour hidden upstairs. LL thinks it was a complete nonsense and just shakes her head when I talk about it. It was bloody good fun though, and I’m still a dab hand with a sledge hammer. I never miss my mark.
  4. Here is the porky pie. I grew up with a real fear of heights, couldn’t stand being in a glass elevator unless I was plastered against the back wall. I’ve overcome it, but rock climbing holds absolutely no attraction for me! In trying to get over the fear I did actually try rock climbing once, threw up about 20 feet up and had to be helped down. My mates never let me live it down as I had a reputation in all other things for trying anything once.
  5. True, but with a caveat! Those of you who’ve obviously done this before sussed the improbability out. However, I worked as a poultry butcher in my youth for a small specialist outfit that sold “quality” birds. With the right abattoir gear it is entirely possible. The plucker was a Heath Robinson affair, but it could de feather a bird in no time flat! I haven’t done this start to finish in a long time, but suspect it would take me 5 to 10 minutes if all I had to hand was a boiling pot of water and a sharp blade. Plus, you realistically do need to give the poor thing a time to drain, else the deboning is a grisly bloody affair.


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