Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Menstruation Manifesto

We, the male half of humanity, do solemnly declare to emancipate the female menstrual cycle in thought, word and deed. We shall no more declare it unclean and cursed, but find in that time of the month the opportunity to prove we are not the squeamish uncaring beasts the females of our species are convinced we are.

We promise to chivalrously and unselfishly offer ourselves, our bodies. We promise to not balk or squeek or shiver at the mention of that time. We promise to rise up and perform with no thought of our own need. We will no more mutter “Oh well dear, how about a blow job then,” or sneak off to the loo for a quick wank. We will dive to action with finger, tongue and prick, and merely keep a pack of wet wipes handy by the bed for afters. We promise to be the men they always hoped we would be!

Brothers think not of you but of the fairer half of the race. In her time of consternation provide her distraction and relaxation. In her time of pain offer her relief and pleasure. You do it not for yourselves but for them!

Think not of blood and gore, but put on your rose tinted spectacles and roll out the protective coverings. You will not hurt them, her plumbing will not be damaged. Indeed you are proving yourself compassionate and worthy of their love and friendship.

So rise up Brothers, rise up! Go forth and offer yourself to your (friend, lover, wife, long term partner, casual sexual acquaintance, etc etc etc) in her time of need. Think not of yourself but of the greater good of humanity. The world will be a happier place, your relationships will be happier places, and you can stand proud and walk tall at your selfless devotion (with benefits)!

Print this off, Sign it and hand it over boys. You will not regret it.


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