Boy on Top

Happy Camper

2011-10-11T11:12:00.002+01:00

I'm really not sure where September went, let along the start of October, but here it is anyway.

I am, to be simple, a very happy camper. Finally sorted out a new job, and its a good one. I mean a really good one. On the board of a globally recognised brand in a completely different industry. I keep having people tell me this was meant to be, not getting all those other jobs so I'd get this one.

I don't know about that, but I do know that if I lined up all the jobs I've interviewed for, this would easily be at the top of the list. It is both daunting and exciting in equal measure. An enormous amount to do, even more to learn, but it feels well within my capabilities.

I don't start until November 1st, I still have to finish out the contract I'm currently working on. I have spent a few days there already, meeting my new team, spending a strategy day with the board. All good stuff.

I'm treating myself with a new car. Which is a very middle aged male stereotype, but I can live with it for the moment. LL is indulging me, on top of other things (some rather fantastic benefits), this pays rather nicely. Frankly its just a relief to both of us to have things sorted again. We were doing all right with me contracting, but this is just that bit more secure.

In other fronts the family is doing well. Son number 1 is prepping for his common entrance exams, and I am a bit angst ridden about the amount of testing UK youth have to go through. This is multiplied by Son Number 2 having to do his 11+. I hate having to crack the whip to get them to study, but needs must. They are frankly both very happy otherwise, so its not all bad. Princess thankfully has no life changing exams this year, so just happily skips along through life. She's made the first team in Netball this year, so is very pleased with herself. So, all in all, life is not bad at all.

Bittersweet

2011-09-05T11:40:00.003+01:00

I'm not quite sure where August went. First it was here, then it was gone... So, a few catch up posts. We start with my holiday in Vancouver. It had a two fold purpose, get the family somewhere fun, and visit my mother.

The first purpose was a huge success. We had a great time. Mountains where climbed, huge trees were found, whales were watched in abundance, fish were not caught unfortunately, but fun was had trying, waterslides were slid, and we all learned to surf. We'll, I already knew mentally, though my body had quite forgotten. The kids and LL did brilliantly. My daughter was the best of us all, just popping up and surfing back and forth as if she was born to stand on a board. Finally got the kids hooked on sushi. Hard not to like it when it is that fresh and well prepared. It was also blueberry and cherry season, so we rather gorged on cheap and marvelous fruit. From that standpoint we had a marvelous time.

The visit with my mother though, was good, but just a bit sad. For those that have read for a long (long) while I started blogging when my father died. It was a follow on from a car accident that left my mother with ever so little brain damage. Odd things were changed, a sporadic loss of short term memory, a lessening of cognitive functions, her balance went a bit wobbly. All in all enough that she could mostly live on her own, but needed help.

Thankfully her sunny personality (mostly) remained the same, but it has meant we had a lodger living with her who got paid a bit to keep an eye out, and we've had a service in every day to take care of the house. But... she's been slowly deteriorating. What hurts is that my mother is not entirely my mother any more, there are parts of her that are lost, and, sadly, more are getting lost each year. So it was a bittersweet visit. So lovely to see her, but also sad.

The big decision was had with my sister. She's the one who lives in Vancouver and does so much in terms of taking care of our mum. She wanted a spare set of eyes, and a clearer head to talk to about this. With another sister who lives in the US, we cogitated and talked, and decided it was time that mum needed a different lifestyle that assisted living was a good answer, and one closer to where my sister lives.

Its a big step, mum values her independence, but then, part of the damage is she doesn't realise that she's damaged. Hard, hard, hard. We all worried at the decision, and also how she would take it. Clearly she had to be involved in the decision, it couldn't be a fait accompli.

Thankfully, though I left Vancouver in trepidation, as we were still talking it through, it has all worked out fine. Mum not only agreed with the decision, she was enthusiastic about it. Turns out, when she saw the option, it was closer to old friends, and would give her more freedom than she had today to do things, like the Opera, that she loves. So all's well that ends well.

But... it is still bittersweet...

Report Cards and Holidays

2011-07-14T15:24:00.002+01:00

They do often go together.

So it was the boys last day at school yesterday. Mucking about then speach day, then a curry with the family. Nice.

No surprise awards for the boys, which is a shame for them, but I'm not really bothered. They've both had a great year. Lots of successes, plus they seem to be really enjoying their childhood. Which is a goodness.

What was pleasing was their report cards. They go to a highly accademic school. Before you all roll your eyes and say "poor boys" I like it as much for the atmosphere as the results. When I'm there the odd time during the day it is not uncommon to hear laughter roll out of the classrooms, and the boys run about and be boys during break. There's been no hint of bullying, and quite unusually you do see boys from different year groups playing with each other. Even older boys helping younger boys with whatever. Really nice to see.

However, it is both selective and accademic. It took me a while to get used to the report cards. If a boy meets the standards expected for the school (and these are high) they get a 'C'. Which means, a solid 'C' grade means they're doing pretty darn good. 'B's are more rare and means they're up at the top end of the class. 'A's almost never happen. If one boy in a year in one subject gets an 'A' he's essentially rewritten Einstein's theory of relativity before reaching puberty.

This time around both boys got about half 'C's and half 'B's. Most importantly the 'B's were clustered around English, Maths and Science. Not only though, much to my surprise and I am sure the delight of the spirit of my father (who was a vicar), they both got 'B's in religious education. I am quite chuffed and very pleased for them both. So please forgive a bit of parental bragging. Is it possible to be more proud of the achievements of your offspring than yourself? I think so.

Report cards in hand, it is now time to depart on holiday. Two weeks in Vancouver visiting my family and taking off to learn surfing and do a bit of whale watching. Should be fun. Normal service will resume in August.

Oh so tired...

2011-07-12T10:45:00.002+01:00

Its summer, the sun is shining, the kids are finishing off a happy year at school, I am employed (albeit on contract) and my wife is equally so.

Yet... I am absolutely knackered, totally shattered. Just... tired. Partially I think its just middle aged disease. Career, kids, relationship. It feels like there's just no time for anything other than working my ass off. I can't remember the last time I was able to put my feet up and read the Sunday papers, or just sit with LL and watch a movie. We haven't had a night out together in months. Well, that's not strictly true, there's been a few parties and dinners with friends, but those types of social occasions, which I can enjoy, also tire me out. The treadmill just keeps turning.

I know LL feels exactly the same. The burden of keeping up a house, garden and busy active kids is relentless. I think it is fair to say we're both border line depressed and exhausted.

Roll on the weekend and a two week holiday in Canada. Unfortunately it is also a holiday to see my aging mother. Which is necessary, and she's lovely, but it may not be totally relaxing. A few late morning lie ins are in order though. Nothing like visiting a parent to regress to child like behavior. At least I've organised some time the second week to head off and kick back at a beach. We're all going to learn surfing. Should be fun I think (I hope (I dream...))...

On the making of Jam

2011-06-28T15:39:00.002+01:00

I, and my family of course, are very fond of our toast, and therefore jam. Breakfast, pudding after tea, snacks any time of the day, it's a quick and more healthy than some option. We like our brown bread for toast, though an occasional foray into a quality white bread will do. On top, lashings of butter, and marmalade, jam, jelly or sometimes Marmite (not my favourite, but hey).

As such, over the years, I've moved into two different areas of cooking. On the one hand, I make bread. I quite like making bread. Its a very satisfying exercise. Once in a blue moon I get my hands dirty and hand kneed and bash the hell out of the door. Mostly I rely on a very good bread making machine, and partake of my usual pastime of playing with recipies. I have, by the way, perfected a very fine oatmeal and brown flour loaf. I've got it light, fluffy, with a lovely nutty flavour and little of the gritty nastiness many brown breads have. But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

I've also ventured into making jam. There really are very few really good commercial jams and marmalades. The food industry as a whole, relies extremely heavily on adding pectin, and the results are thick and chewy. I like it soft and gooey. Commercial ones also often lack much flavour other than the sugar. So, I rolled up my sleves and started making marmalade first, then jam. I've had a few failures,one match of marmalade, with repeated attempts, just didn't set. Mostly though, its great. There is nothing quite like a really good marmalade or blackcurrent jam.

But... Unlike baking, this is not a task I enjoy. It is laborious (topping and tailing blackcurrents is a pain, though I now don't bother and the little flower bits seems to just disolve, which is a bonus), hot, often boring as you're waiting about for something to happen. It can be painful, I have had more than a few burns over the years. And, well, its just not very much fun. But I persevere, sometimes the result is worth the pain and agony. Sometimes...

Busy Bee

2011-06-22T14:46:00.003+01:00

For a few months I have been doing a contract for a reputable firm in the media space. A bit old, a bit stade, and frankly, not all that good at technology. Initially I was brought in to sort out the website launch from one of its most venerable titles. Blimey it had gone wrong, costs out of control, timelines no longer timely, staff stressed. It looked a disaster, but frankly was easy peasy to sort out. All it needed was a bit of calm, I'm good at calm, a bit of common sense and a very sparing use of the words "No" and "Yes" in the right context.

Its funny how many people get no and yes confused, hey ho.

Any way, it was a fairly easy three months. Got the website launched, re-organised the team, and left them a roadmap for the next six months that was eminantely deliverable so long as they stayed calm and said no and yes at the right times.

As a reward I was given another problem child. This one overfed, quite grumpy and liable to tantrums. My liesurely life as a consultant has vanished. I'm still a consultant, but this time I'm more than a bit busy. Not in a bad way, but... All it will take is a bit of calm, a bit of common sense and a very sparing use of the words "No" and "Yes" in the right context. Just more of it!

Bah

2011-06-14T16:15:00.002+01:00

In short, I didn't get the job.

I received lots of lovely feedback that it had been very close, that I'd come across strongly, was an excellent candidate, blah, blah, but that they chose someone else. Intellectually I understand that when it comes to the crunch, a recruitment decision is as much about how you emotionally connected as it is about your background and talents.

But... that's just it. It means they 'liked' someone else better, and no matter how you cut it, that hurts.

I am not crushed, I'm more disappointed. So its stand up, take another step, then another, and carry on. I have some other job opportunities on the horizon, but none excite me like this one did. Needs must though, employed I must be, and neither of them are bad jobs. Far from it.

I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, but today? Bah...

Examining exams

2011-06-10T10:15:00.002+01:00

So, number one son just finished his end of year exams. He is quite put out that his latin exam was below par. Not a failure by any means, but below the class average. I can't say I'm really that bothered. He got fabulous results in both maths and science, so I am finding it hard to get exercised about Latin.

LL is bothered though, feels we let him down by not adequately testing his revisions. Though I do understand her viewpoint, I do, I don't agree. He's getting of an age where he must be willing to study himself... or not. He then bears the results of his efforts.

To be fair, his result was a bit bellow where he needs it for his common entrance exams next year. The perversity of the independent sector is that at 13, boys and girls sit a set of exams that the state sector doesn't sit until GCSE's a couple years later. Then requires a base line result that is well above the national average. Such is the life of some teenagers. So, it will mean a bit more hard work, and I will have to sit down with him to see if he does understand this. That its hard work required, not him "being rubbish at Latin" and therefor never able to do it.

But I'm still not that bothered. Yes, a latin scholar would be fun to have in the family, but he got the second highest science score in the school, and to me that is much much more important and worth celebrating. Being rubbish at latin is no bad thing.

Physical Sunshine

2011-06-08T15:39:00.002+01:00

Our garden is a bit of a birds paradise. We have owls, swallows, woodpeckers (two different species), pigeons, doves, blackbirds, crows, a cock pheasant who acts as if he owns the place, finches and tits of every type and description and quite a few transients I occasionally fail to recognise. Generally, this is a good thing.

Except... for growing berries. We have a running war going on with the pigeons and blackbirds over the various berries we grow (of which we grow many). I've tried different types of netting, scarecrows, CDs hung and draped about, acoustic scarers, you name it. I have even occasionally dropped to new lows and got the rifle out. At best we split the balance 50:50.

Usually I just grind my teeth and bare it, but this year is worse. My god, the strawberries... With all this sunshine they are just sunshine in your mouth. Small orgasmlets of pleasure shivering through your body as they literally melt in your mouth. Pure soft flavour, rounded and sweet. I begrudge every single one a bird gets that I or my family don't.

I may have to resort to bird traps...

Hopefullness denied

2011-06-07T15:24:00.002+01:00

So, over the past six months I've interviewed for a number of jobs. Previously in my life, pretty well any job I interviewed for, I got an offer, some of which I turned down. A couple of exceptions, but... I wash up nice, and people tend to like me. Recently though, my shine appears to have dimmed. There was one job I really wasn't keen on, and it must have come through in my style, as I got feedback that I appeared distant and cool. Three others though, I walked out of the interview thinking it had gone really well, that I'd connected with the other person, and the conversation had been good.

On one I was told I hadn't asked many questions, so clearly wasn't interested. On another that I was too nice, and the organisation was a bit hardnosed so I likely wouldn't be a good fit. On the third I had feedback that I was great, intelligent, interesting, but missing that bit of experience they were really looking for. WTF? Its been a real blow to my self esteem.

Logically I tell myself that I hadn't prepared enough, or been engaging enough, and (to be honest with myself) I really hadn't asked many questions in the first. Still, to be rejected time and time again is not a pleasant experience. It has made me very sympathetic to all those new university grads who interview and interview and interview and just can't get a job. It hurts.

So... today I had the final round with the chairman for a job I really... really want. Great company, really interesting people, good remit to make some waves. I think it went well, but then I often has. He ended it saying that he had a good feeling about our meeting and about me, but he had other people to interview and would be in touch.

I am sitting here trying not to get too hopeful, that the market is tough, and competition for senior jobs tougher. I'll be up against extremely well qualified and articulate individuals. I am trying very hard not to be hopeful, to take it on the chin as another life learning if the news goes against me. That I will just walk on and not be crushed by another rejection.

Which I will of course, as that is what you have to do.

But... if you think well of me, say a prayer, blow a kiss, think positive thoughts, anything you can think of... Cause I ... really ... want this job, and those others, I kind of didn't.

Oh to be young again...

2011-06-02T13:51:00.003+01:00

So, a couple weeks ago I had some visitors from Canada. The son of a close old friend and two of his mate. All 19, and all wide eyed about seeing a bit of the world. What I absolutely loved, and was completely horrified by, was the fact they had no plans. None. Not a clue what they wanted to do or see.

I'd exchanged a few emails in advance, and though they'd spend a night or two with us before heading off elsewhere. I knew the day they were flying in, but not even the airport. That day arrived... nothing. No call, no emails... I contacted the boy's dad, who said that they had indeed got on the flight, and he was pretty sure they were flying into Manchester (cheap flights from Vancouver, see).

Next day I finally get an email. "We're here, decided to head up to Edinbourgh. Still OK if we visit?" I replied that it would, and inquired of their plans. Got back a couple vague responses, scratched my forehead, and let it be. A few days later I finally get a phone call. "We're coming down to London today, though we might stop in York. Still OK if we stay?" I told them to call when they were close, and we'd meet at Waterloo station, under the clock.

We finally met the following day...

I found three gangly young men, two with overly large packs, one a bit more sensible. We got them home, and on the way I found out that they were hoping if they could stay a week. It made me laugh, but it was fine.

In the end, a week is what they did indeed stay. We did a bit of ferrying them about, but other than lots of advice on what to see, mostly left them to their own devices. I think they quite liked our place. We're properly 'int country' and they were all outdoorsy types. They did a lot of long hike to see what they could see, as well as trips to London, Bath, Oxford and anything else they could get to with mares shank and trains. Our kids were well played with, and my kids still miss them. One was a professional musician (in training) and I don't think our piano was ever so well played.

So, all in all it was a great visit. But I still couldn't help but feel more than a little nostagia for that part of life when you could just show up at the house of a friend, see what you could see with absolutely no plans, then eventually move on. That is how youth should be...

A Curious Argument

2011-06-01T09:52:00.002+01:00

LL and I have had a rather sad and bizarre argument. This is the result of us both having unintentional time off work (read, being bloomin sacked, not of our choice).

When LL was made "redundant" (lord I hate that word, in Canada we called it being "laid off", which is only slightly better), we were in the midst of building our extention. So, when she found herself at home, it was with a house full of builders. As we were doing work in the existing part of the house, as well as the new extention, there was, litereally, no escape. This had all finished by the time I was let go, so I had much of the day rattling around in a very nicely new and larger, but completely empty house.

Though we're probably both somewhat right, we each contend the other had the easier time. Me, by the fact that she had no choice but to get up and interact with other human beings, her, that I had the time and space to sort myself out.

As much as I would generally call myself a bit of a loner, I found it very hard to be alone so much. I am naturally shy, and avoid large noisy gatherings of people like the plague. Yet, I also understand myself enough to know that I need to be around other people. Even if I sit there quietly lost in my own mind, I like having others about. I'm naturally affectionate, the monkey in me, and need physical contact like I need air. So being totally alone, especially when fighting depression, was... not nice. The destructive thoughts would spiral, going from bad to worse.

For LL, she fekt she had NO time to herself. No space to properly think things though. No 'me' time. Yes, it forced her to get up and interact, but all she wanted to do was the opposite.

Like I said, I think there's truth in both positions. I think it was good she didn't have too much time alone, I think it could have been very self destructive. Yet, I entirely get the fact it meant she had no space to heal, and it meant dragging out the pain. I'm not entirely sure LL got my side of the argument. A lot of her anger that led to my sharp kick to the ass was down to her feeling I was being self indulgent and lazy, leaving all the work to her.

Quite painfully, there is a grain of truth in that, but it also denegrates the very real pain I was going through, so its been difficult lately. We're getting there, as we always do, It helps, a lot, that we're both gainfully employed again, and that the kids are blissfully happy in their own lives.

I commute therefore I am

2011-05-31T16:26:00.002+01:00

It is one of the horrors of my life that I inevitably seem to get jobs in central London. I keep trying to do otherwise, to be 'normal' and have a job close to home, but every time I've tried, as sure as the sun rises in the East I get moved to central London.

This is a problem.

For most of London it takes me in the region of one and one half hours door to door. In one job it was around two hours. That means three hours a day, 15 hours a week, or approximately 90 working days a year, essentially doing very little. Sure, I read, sometimes I snooze, I do what email I can, but its generally non productive, and non relaxing time. Yes, I can read, but reading stuffed in a too small seat jammed between others, with all of the attendant sights, smells and sounds of a crouded train carraige is NOT relaxing.

It is a best a divergance.

Sadly, of the two jobs I am currently in competition for, one is in central London, one is, horror of horrors, in the London suburbs and would require me to drive. Driving on a race track or off road, is fun, driving during peak school journey rush hour, is NOT fun.

I think if I could change just one thing about my life, it would be this. Poor me...

Please excuse me, but could you leave?

2011-05-26T13:38:00.002+01:00

My autumn last year was extremely odd, and extremely busy. On the one hand, I was hands down busy. A host of initiatives, changes on all side to the function I managed, and the setting of plans that would fundamentally change the way the business was supported. It all felt like it was going well.

On the other hand, my interaction with my senior colegues was slowly degrading. Just not in the same way. One of the men I was closest too started dodging meetings. Yet I knew he was also madly busy as well as travelling, so annoying as it was I understood it. Another, located on the other side of the earth, wasn't returning calls. Even though I was in deep discussion with his team about a staff re-organisation and interviewing new hires. My own boss never talked to me, but then he never did.

It all added up to a smell that wasn't particularly nice. I did gently probe with people I trusted, but was getting back positive, not negative noises.

Since then I found out that something else was going on in the background. My dear boss, an old school manager who understood my function not at all, but felt it important enough to have me report to him, had a little quibble with his boss, the chairman. It seems that in a board meeting the chairman asked him what the strategy for my division was, and he mumbled an answer. This wasn't because there wasn't a strategy, I'd talked him through it many times, I just don't think he understood it.

And so ensued a little power struggle of the sort those two frequently got into. Other non executive directors were involved, highly paid consultants were consulted, and my boss threw his hands up in the air, had the chairman's hand inserted up his backside into his mouth, and a 'strategy' was born.

All this I believe took some time. It happened with more and more people being talked to, and amazingly none of them talked to me. Very unusual in as leaky an organisation as mine. I like to believe this was primarily due to embaressment. That it was generally known I was doing a good job, and that everyone was a bit shame faced about what was to happen. Then again, maybe they are all self absorbed egoists and cared not a hoot about a collegue they'd worked with for years.

The end result was that I had a meeting with my boss put into my diary some weeks in the future. My understanding this was to discuss strategy, and I spent considerable time preparing.

When I got to his office and we sat down, the conversation when essentially thus, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've just done a strategic review of your function, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to re-organise. There won't be a position in the firm for you going forward. We'll be generous in recognition of your valuable contribution. Shall I call in our nice HR lady?" Then he scampered.

I paraphrase, but not much really. If the conversation took more than two minutes I'd be shocked. He really did scamper too. Got out of that room faster than I'd ever seen him move. At least he had the grace to look ever so slightly embaressed, but not much.

To put it lightly, I was gobsmacked. Here I was, in a glass walled conference room and it felt like my world had exploded. Given the stress of the previous six months I stood there, and had to physically pull my emotions into check.

The nice HR lady, who actually is nice, and I considered a friend, took one look at me and asked if I still needed a few minutes. I nodded, unable to speak for fear I'd burst into tears. It actually took me about ten minutes before I felt enough in control to walk the few paces down the hall to her office.

I got tea and sympathy, well, she is HR, then the cold hard facts. They were generous... enough. Not generous as I would term the word, but generous enough that it was not worth my while to fight. So I took my few scraps of paper, made some mumbled excuses to my PA and team, and did my own version of scampering. Then I walked, called my wife, walked, walked some more, found myself miles upon miles from the office and finally found it in me to get on the tube and train and got myself home.

The flying of time

2011-05-25T16:18:00.002+01:00

I can't quite believe its been as long as it has since my last short post. I did have the best of intentions to become a good loyal blogger again, but it didn't quite work out.

Partially that was due to going through a very bad place. I have had to realise that though I am by no means defined by my job, loosing my job the way I did got to me in ways I just did not expect. I ran head first into a lovely bout of depression.

I functioned, got up in the morning, got the kids ready for school, was there when they got back, made dinner, tidied the house, that sort of thing, but I wasn't functional. I hit moments when I could barely control my emotions, would find myself standing in a hall, tears streaming down my face, or realise I just lost an hour looking at a wall, not really thinking or doing anything.

I did get on with some things, kept just enough focus to get the job search going. It got off to a rather good start, but you know what? I really don't think I interviewed very well, despite having a pretty good track record in that regard. I lost out on three seperate jobs.

In all my life, and many many interviews, I think I'd only ever lost out on two jobs before. If I went for a job, I tended to get it. Not this time.

Didn't do much around the house either. I meant to. I wrote a long list of chores and tasks. I just didn't get to them, or if I did, didn't do them very well.

Its not a time that I remember with much fondness, nor pride. I don't think well of myself through those months.

Then things started to turn, though it was a bit topsy turvey. Through a contact of a contact I managed to land some freelance consulting work. A bit below my previous job, but in a way that was good. I've managed to do it with my eyes closed.

Which was a good thing really, as I still wasn't that functional.

The turning point was my wife getting frustrated, as only she can, and shouting at me. It wasn't a pleasant moment. I crumpled, literally as well as figuratively. Just lost it, started sobbing, the works. Another memory I'm not that fond of, for a host of reasons.

I'm not sure my wife was remembering how she felt the previous year when she lost her job. She went though perhaps a darker time than I had. I was terribly worried about her at one stage. She got through it though.

And... though I could have wished for a more sympathetic trigger, so have I. It did the trick, kick started me into remembering who I am, and how, actually, I'm not the guy who crumples and cries, but can be pretty good at getting things done.

So I am now. The contract is good, and has been extended. It pays enough to cover our costs and keep most of my redundancy squirreled away. Which is a good thing. I've got a couple job conversations going, one of which I'm both really keen on, and at the moment they seem keen on me. Another couple weeks to go before that concludes, but I'm hopeful. And if it doesn't work out, there's two more also looking good. Choices are not a bad thing.

I'm doing more about the house, and, for the moment, the wife and I have patched things over Perhaps not well, I still feel a bit sore, as I think does she, but we'll work it out. Somehow.

So, for now, I think I'll take this up again. There are things I need to get off my chest, need to talk about. Some of that dark time was very dark indeed. If you can bear to listen, I'll try not to moan too much. To be honest, my life really isn't that bad, it just took a little shaking up for me to remember that. Plus, there are some good things to talk about too.

Anyone want to see pictures of how our epic 2 year house extention job worked out?

Then the world turns...

2010-12-10T10:41:00.002Z

Hello again. I was more than a little pleased to come back and see some old friends clearly still had the blog being tracked. A good thing as I am thinking its time to blog again.

My world, well, turned... Somewhat, but not totally, to my surprise I found myself sitting across from my boss, the world hopping CEO, being told that he was structuring my function and that he did not think there was a place for me ongoing. That it had nothing to do with my obvious successes at the firm, but how he wanted something "different". That they would be generous, but would I please just exit through the door to the left quietly.

Now, I am usually a big quietly confident man. The one everyone says is nice, and competant, and so very much in control. At that very moment I had to struggle very hard not to crumple into a heap on the floor and cry.

But I did, and managed to have a brief conversation with the friendly HR lady, who I actually do consider a friend, but clearly just then also had to be a professional. Then I stumbled downstairs, made a very poor excuse about an ill child to my PA, who I also consider a friend, and... well, just got out of there and walked... and walked... and walked a bit more.

I'm a couple weeks out of it, and life is changed, but becoming normal again. I think I've been more than a little numb of late, though having to deal with children's homework, and sports, and a bit of toboganning and snow days thrown in hasn't hurt. I am begining the interesting process of finding a new job. First time really I have been properly out of work, though redundancy had visited before.

This time though, feels very personal. Though I do understand the board room politics and maneuvering and face saving that brought me to this place, I also feel rather strongly that it is patently unfair. I am not leaving because I did a crap job, I am not really leaving because there is a fundamental restructuring of the business, I am leaving because of a failure not of my making. Pretty shit frankly.

But there we go. As I have oft told my children, life is not normally fair. Time to take that lesson to heart and move on...

More soon I think, and I shall start visiting again too

Hello World!

2010-11-01T17:00:00.002Z

I don't know if anyone is out there any more, but it struck me I hadn't blogged in a very... very... long time. So, a quick update on the life and times of the boy.

1) The building works are complete! This is a bigger achievement than it sounds. Almost two years of blood sweat and tears (seriously, all three of them, in varying but multiple degrees). Still doing bits and pieces of snagging, plus continually putting the garden back in order (mind you, we were continually putting the garden back in order before the building works). However, the results are grand. We are enjoying our new enlarged house considerably.

2) I am still married (see blood sweat and tears above). I think I can even say I am still happily married.

3) The wife is fine. She was not fine for a while. Lost her job, and disappeared into working on the house for a while. Well, thought she was working on the house, but though it wouldn't have got finished without her, it also dragged on horribly as this or that changed mid stream. However, the house is finished, and she found a new job. Thought the depression still stalks her, mostly she is fine, even happy.

4) I remain seriously and sadly busy. Need to do something about that, but job, house, wife and kids are not as in balance as I'd like them. But the mortgage needs paid, so insanely busy I remain. Work is a challenge, a boss who doesn't entirely understand what I do. An economy which struggles to provide the revenue we need. An industry going through massive change. It just keeps it all interesting.

5) I have high blood pressure (see being sadly busy above). Never expected that, and though drugs help keep things in check I am puzzling how to make this right. Other than tired, I don't feel ill, so just troop on.

6) The kids are happy and healthy. This, though last, is perhaps the most important point of the lot. They are having a good childhood, and have friends, and successes and learn things, and its all grand really.

So, life to date in a nutshell.

Goodbye, Farewell, Tara...

2008-10-06T09:36:00.002+01:00

You may have noticed I haven't blogged much lately. Well, blogged at all. On thinking about it this morning I realised it had been a long long time since I last blogged, and I'd even stopped trawling all those sites of you out there I know and love.

So, for the record, I haven't died, I am fit and well, the family is fit and well, even the building works are fit and well (though a bit slower than planned). Its just, well, life... Its all a bit manic at the moment, not overwhelming or depressing, just very very busy. As much as I enjoy blogging I have to admit to myself its a pleasure that I'm putting aside.

Probably only for the moment. I will still stop by once and a while out of the blue, or even post if something momentous happens. I just find myself not devoting the time to it I once did. So to all of you, I will be around. Offers of a cup of coffee or something stronger are always welcome. You are all a part of my life that I didn't expect, so do stay in touch. As I'll try to do.

But for now, on this website. Farewell.

The Pit

2008-08-01T15:25:00.002+01:00

For those that enjoy piccies, the hole in our garden. It will get deeper still, partially so I get a cellar to store my wine, partially because of the horendously over specified foundations we have to put in. You could build a scyscraper on these babies, I swear. Please notice the dilligently working builders. This is not a shame, they are actually dilligent. They show up on time, work hard, leave late and don't break for tea every 5 minutes. They are not even Polish, but are actual Englishmen!

Happy Campers

2008-07-30T11:10:00.002+01:00

If I look at the blessings in my life, perhaps the biggest is happy children. They are human, of course, and we get the odd arguements or stroppiness, but really not much. They get along with each other the vast majority of time. They seem to enjoy school and their friends and love playing outside and all that stuff. It is very very good.

Take last night, for example. I got home early enough to read to the boys. Call us old fashioned but we still read books aloud before bedtime more often than not. My oldest, the nine year old, has started taking the odd turn, but even he just likes to lay back and be read to. We're currently reading a very silly book about a boy viking and his dragon.

I love putting on all the voices and pauses and noises. They really get into it. We had laughter at the silly bits, boys curled into corners of the sofa at the exciting bits and groans of dismay when it was time to close the book and go to bed. I only get to do it once a week, maybe twice. To be perfectly honest its one of my favourite times of the week. I love it. Then its tooth brush time and big hugs as they get into bed. I know they'll grow out of it some day, but I so hope that won't be for a long long time...

Works Ahoy

2008-07-29T14:23:00.004+01:00

My second post in two days. I feel quite faint, must go have a lie down now. I don't promise to keep it going, but the mood has taken me so far.

So, just before our jaunty holiday to florida our Builder and team finally arrived. Three delays isn't so bad in these sorts of things. They got off to a grand old start. The garage was demolished in no time flat, and a good start was made on a moved stone wall and new bit of fencing we needed (some hedge had died away under a growing tree, the tree was definately staying so no replacement hedge).

Within two days we had our first complaint from our joyful neighbour I've mentioned before. They really are quite something. We often wonder what they do when they don't have anything to complain about.

Off then we went on holiday. No calls from the builder while we were away, though on comimg back looks like there should have been. Nothing serious but some confusion between the builder, architect and structural engineer that it took them all some days to sort out. I probably could have done it faster, but there we go. Our current house needed underpining, which our builder hadn't understood. Lost us a few days.

Still, good progress. The rainwater harvesting tank is now in, as is a new soakaway. All fences and walls are done and a new shed is up. Vast amounts of soil have been removed to make way for the cellar and foundations. Its all going well. Within the week the foundations should be down, then the real fun begins as the walls start going up. Overall? Still happy. We have a good relationship with our builder, and for once I feel he's actively working in our interest.

As long as we can keep happy with our neighbours (angry neighbour has now complained in a email at great length) I think its going to be good. I'm quite excited about it all!

Jus Checkin In

2008-07-28T11:59:00.002+01:00

No, I'm not dead. Yes, everything is fine.

Am just back from a two week trip to the wonder of the world that is Orlando. There is a mound of work to get on with, nothing drastic, just a lot of it. All is well with the world. The kids terms ended with a grand round of sports days and assemblies. Pirate Pete got one of his class prizes as well as a stellar report card. He was marked above average in all but a smattering of subjects, sometimes well above average. This in a selective school where the average is already high. He was chuffed and we were well pleased. The other two got great feedback as well, though they are too young to be so formally marked. It is a fine fine thing to have happy kids, it is a finer thing to have happy kids who are getting along well with life.

Orlando was quite the experience. Not necessarily a relaxing holiday, we were out doing "things" every day. It was an enjoyable holiday though. Hard not to in that mecca of entertainment. We did ride after rollercoaster after ride. We did movies, we did a safari and watched whales behaving very unwhale like. We saw men joust on horse back. We saw
pirates fight on a pirate ship. We saw some absolutely fabulous clowns and acrobats.

It was my princesses fifth birthday, and it being Disney she got to wear a badge saying it was her birthday and I swear to god had more than 50 people stop and say a cheery "Happy Birthday" to her. She also got to have dinner with her favourite fairie tale princesses. Though she made her mother very happy when she also rolled her eyes and said in perfect sarcasm "That one gets to live happily ever after, how sweet!" Then she got to see a big fire works. She was one utterly happy five year old.

We got to go to a truly amazing water park with five story high slides and a wave pool that generated eight foot high waves every two minutes on the dot. That place we went back to four times. We had good food, and truly crap food. And it was hot, meltingly hot with thunderstorms every afternoon.

Still, it was America. Do they really truly need to serve a five year old a portion that would normally feed a family of six? Does everything, and I mean everything, have to be sweetened? I began to get paranoid and checked the ingredients on everything I could. With the expection of some (not all, just some) crisps (chips), I don't think we ate a single thing other than fruit that hadn't had sugar or sweetener added. And does everyone have to call my little girl "princess"? That's my word for her, I just never call her that to her face. It wouldn't be right!

Despite those minor griefs we really did have a fine time. Our kids (and ourselves) are exhausted, but content. Thankfully they don't need to go back next year, but they did inquire if they could just possibly go back when they were teens?

Identity Thefting

2008-06-30T18:14:00.002+01:00

Breaking the summer silence for a mo. My identity was stolen! Well, a small part of it anyway, just a credit card number. It is rather disturbing all the same.

I got an email from a particular bank I use for the card I restrict to use on the interweb. Appearently my online password had been change. I certainly hadn't changed it. A quick call to said bank showed that a whole host of charges had just been rung up. Large items for big amounts of money, other than a pizza, had been spent using my name and credit card. The total was a large number of thousands. Thankfully the bank is honouring their fraud protection promise and I won't have to pay for it. But... blimey...

Now, being in the business I guard my web presense very carefully. This is also a card that I had only recently been sent a new one. I can not, for the life of me, figure out how they got my details. To order they would have had to have had my name and address, the card number and the little security digits on the back. It must have been hacked from somewhere I had bought something from.

Very disturbing.

Blogging vs Life

2008-06-19T17:07:00.004+01:00

Hi, I haven't been doing well at blogging lately, have I? So, a couple of pictures. These are "life", our garden. One of the timesinks at the moment, albeit a very worthwhile one. We lost our gardener at the start of the year. He'd been with us for ages, but at the fine age of 72 had a heart attack and decided it was time to retire.

LL loves her gardening, so it didn't feel like a hardship, but a garden like this, it takes time! A lot of time. Thankfully I've now found someone to at least do the mowing, so it should return to acceptible levels. But... there will be other things to take up time.

Lots of things. Kids take time, a joyful time, but time. Keeping up with my lovely and sexy if sometimes moody dear wife takes time. Work in particular is taking a lot of time. I used to be able to better blog during the commute and at odd spare moments during the day, but the train has become very crowded of late and blogging then just doesn't work. Work doesn't work either. I'm really enjoying myself at the moment, and feel like I'm making great progress, but boy does it take time.

Thing is, I've rather enjoyed blogging. The funny bit, I've started to not to need to post. I don't miss it so much. Yet I've been feeling guilty about not posting. You see, there's a lot of you out there, that in a very real way have become friends. There's the Count, the lovely Z, the wonderful Lady in the Smoke, that Angry guy, one who was a bug, the irrascible Punk, a very peaceful empress, that boy, the man with the abreviated life, she who commented first, and many others. There's a whole lot of you out there I really like. I don't want to loose touch.

Yet feeling guilty and doing crap posts doesn't make sense. So, I'm not going to close down exactly, but the posts will likely become few and far between. There's things I still want to say, but I'll say them when the mood and time allows. I want to spend more time posting recipes, for example. Bizarelly some of the ones I've posted have had thousands of hits. People seem to like the way I describe cooking, so I'll keep that up. I'll still try to stop by and comment at yours, but even that won't happen as much as it should.

Yet I do want to stay in touch. So, for those in London, or passing through London, those that I've met or not, there's a drink and a meal on offer. You can find the email on the page, and that's open for just chatting too. Friendships should be able to survive the virtual world.

So, its not good bye, but it is adieu

WarChild

2008-06-17T11:20:00.002+01:00

Peach and a gang of bloggers have done a fine fine thing. A book has been put together, one of posts from a wide range of people. Different backgrounds, different issues, humour, seriousness, love, loss. Its all there in a wonderful compendium.

Best thing? Buy it and most of the cash goes to charity.

So, go here, go now and buy. I have.

I'm melting I'm melting

2008-06-12T12:03:00.002+01:00

I don't do well with hot, especially humid hot. Its upper 30's in New York at the moment, and very very humid. Leaving an air conditioned building is like hitting a brick wall. They've had to tune down the air conditioning because the power company has restricted power to avoid an outage there's so much aircon pumping away. There is something quite perverse about cooling rooms down so much I've even seen people wearing sweaters when its that hot outside.

Anyway, a worthwhile visit. Much important things done, a couple of nice meals had. Another day of meetings today, then its back to the airport for the red eye home. I am, as usual, very tired, but such is life.

What a weekend

2008-06-09T12:59:00.002+01:00

A bit of a stream of consciosness post this, but better to post something than nothing. It was such a lovely weekend, hard not to enjoy oneself. Yet there were lots of other bits of niceness in the weekend. I seem to have my wife back, which is such a relief. I've learned to live with her moods, but its quite something the way they can hit and retreat like that. That time of the month has decended, which is clearly part of it. Yet this wasn't just the normal pms. I shall gently probe and see what else there was.

I've also had excellent news in that a former boss, one who shall remain nameless but was, frankly, a sadistic son of a female dog, has been fired. For gross misconduct, which is even better, as it means he won't get the usual polite pay off to disappear. I had lost count of the number of lives that man had darkened or even ruined. It was a lot, and though this isn't karmic justice, he'd have to live a life of a snail to deal with that, it is small justice.

Our builder is now confirmed to start with only a short delay. I'm quite excited about that. Not so much about the building, that will inevitably be a pain, but about the finished product. It will be great. We have also found a new gardener, so I don't have to spend 3 hours every weekend dealing with the lawn.

Then, we just had a nice weekend. Saturday we had our old now retired gardener over for lunch. It was just a really nice visit. Then Sunday we went over to visit some dear friends. They have kids the same age, and a swimming pool. So with that fine weather it couldn't help but be a lovely day.

And so I fly off to New York for the week. I'll stay in touch, promise!

Blankness

2008-06-04T14:20:00.002+01:00

Here I am, a few spare minutes in the day, and I can't think of anything to say. I'm sure there's a million things to say, heaven knows a day seldom goes by when I think to myself "That would be good to blog about", but not today.

I'm oddly tired, a combination of lots of work, hayfever and a wife in an odd mood (borderline depressed and I can't think why or how to help, I've even asked, but I'm not sure she's sure, or wanting to tell me anyway).

So, not much else to say really. I'm sure I'll think up something clever or interesting soon, just not today.

Neighbours

2008-05-30T10:29:00.002+01:00

We get along well with most of our neighbours. The couple across the drive are amongst our best friends. However, there is one couple that we seem to have fallen out with. They are natural complainers, planning permission for anything to change in the village, they complain. A farmer spreading manure that smells, they complain. The watercress farm using a bird scarer that bangs on the half hour, they complain. You name it, they complain.

They've decided to start complaining about us. Take last weekend. One of the cars has a fault, an admitadely anoying fault. The alarm has started going off randomly. Not a lot, maybe once or twice a week, yet it does go off. We run to sort it out, and its never for more than a minute at most. Hard to figure out what to do with it, electrics in cars are bloody awful to figure out, and its been in the shop once already.

Last weekend though, it went off twice in a morning. A ruddy nuicense, I know. Yet that morning, while my wife was in the kitchen, a bit of paper was pushed through the door. "YOUR ALARM HAS GONE OFF TWICE THIS MORNING. GET IT FIXED. X, Y, and Z."

Now X and Y are the couple in question. Z is another neighbour who has just lost her husband to catastrophic cancer, I mentioned the funeral a few posts ago. She is the one we think about when the alarm goes off, and I actually had appologised when we'd been over to see her. She was surprised, said she hadn't heard anything. She's a lovely lady, and I really don't want to put her out when she's in such pain.

That just really hacked me off, using her name like that. Then we find out they've talked to everyone else on the drive, complaining about the alarm. I just don't get it, are their lives really so empty that the only pleasure they get is bitching and moaning about a broken car alarm? Its really annoyed me, and quite upset LL who hates the thought of people thinking badly of her.

Such is life, I know, and in the scheme of things completely trivial, but... Grrrr...

Rain rain go away

2008-05-28T10:13:00.000+01:00

I know Bank Holidays are supposed to be wet (did you know there's a scientific basis for that (has to do with a reduction in polution due to a lack of cars driving (appearently))), but that was an extremely wet one. There is always the Surrey County Show in Guildford that holiday Monday, and we always like going. Its a proper country show with livestock competitions, sheep dog trials, and horse jumping.

Needless to say it was a bit of a wash out. We didn't go, more's the pity. Everybody was bummed, so I made Canadian pancakes and broke out the Maple Syrup. It helped.

We then let the kids decide what else to do. They decided on kiddie decadence. A day in pjamas. You've got to love kids minds. So we let them laze about the house playing games, doing some painting, gameboys and even a movie on the telly.

I, however, cleaned out the garage and cooked three meals. Sigh... Sometimes being a middle aged dad with 'responsibilities' is a drag. When do I get a day in PJs watching a movie?

Simplicity

2008-05-27T11:34:00.003+01:00

So, we have the in-laws down visiting at the moment. I'm lucky that I like my in-laws. I get along famously with my FIL. If it is possible to have a typical British ecentric, he's one. Wild hair, can speak on just about any topic, and as a former forensic scientist, occasionally had the most interesting dinner conversation. I'll never forget the night he lept from the table, hauled over his briefcase, and plopped a picture in front of me.

"Just doing this case, and I can't help but think this picture's been doctored. You know computers, how can we tell?" The picture was a close up of a male face with an axe sticking out of it.

Any way, food is a big part of my wife's family, so I love rowing the boat out when they visit. Some meals very fancy, some the opposite. I did one this weekend that, if I do say do myself, was just spot on. Good ingredients done very simply can not be beat.

So, this was wild salmon fillets, steamed in white wine and fennel, served with fresh new potatoes and sprouting purple brocolli. Then put a tasty little chilled white on the side.(a secret wine I won't divulge as it sells in limited quantities and I don't want to miss my next case). Very hard to beat. Finish it off with a Rhubarb Crumble with home made Vanilla Ice Cream, and you have a fine meal indeed.

A funny old day

2008-05-23T14:44:00.002+01:00

As a day it started out quite sad. One of our neighbours, a delightful old guy, passed away last week. All quite sudden, he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and died all within two weeks. His wife brought him home and cared for him throughout. All very sad. She wanted a small funeral, no fuss, so it was only immediate family and a small handful of friends.

Then it was straight off to watch Pirate Pete in his school swimming gala. He was one of a few chosen to represent his house. For those not of the British persuasion, schools here break the kids up into "houses". Think Harry Potter and Gryphindor. Represents the old school concept of literally being part of the house you dormed in. This was no big event, but its important to him, so I was glad to be able to show up and watch him. He won his race, so was a very happy little boy.

Then I had to drop the Smart car off for its annual service before having to head back in to work. Normally I would have worked from home on a day like this, but this was the one day this week my new boss had free to meet since he stepped into the top job. I know it will be fine, but until you meet under the new circumstances, and get a feel for how the relationship will play out, its a bit unsettling. So, I blog to clear my mind and focus. Wish me luck!

History

2008-05-21T09:14:00.002+01:00

There are so many interesting things on the web, its hard to keep track and find them all. I must declare a bit of an interest in this place, but I won't go into why. Its just cool.

Go here.

The Times newspaper is the oldest still running English language newspaper. It has been at the forefront of the news for a long long time. Even today, with declining revenues, it has a massive editorial and journalistic base, with some of the best writers around. If its of interest, its probably been covered.

The link above takes you to a new venture for the newspaper. They have put the entire archive, back to 1785, online. It is all scanned and transformed into text. There is a full time editorial team now diving through it to find pieces of interest, and to update the landing page each day. In there you'll find interviews with Hitler, pieces by Dickens, reportage of every major scientific discovery, on the spot pieces of any conflict you can think of. It is a treasure trove, and a serious time waster.

Go, have fun, and please tell me what you think.

The Corporate Trough (continued)

2008-05-19T11:31:00.001+01:00

Last week I was in Beijing for our annual corporate conference. These can be dire or wild affairs, sometimes both at the same time. This one rather fell into the later category. Because my former boss had been let go just a few days prior, it was bound to be weird. So it was.

Lots of corporate back patting, as we’d had a storming year in 2007. There was also my new boss out there making sure everyone thought he had a good vision for taking the company forward. Which will be rather like the old vision, but with a new face. Such is corporate politics.

There was also lots of networking, usually lubricated with large amounts of alcohol. That’s perhaps the best bit of these events. They really are just big drink fests. But that’s OK. A company that knows each other and enjoys each other, is a good place to work. That lubrication is a necessary component.

There was one quite sparkling moment though. The last evening is always the “gala” dinner. Rumours abounded about this one, and none of them did justice. It was really a once in a life time event.

I, being a timely sort of bloke, got on the first bus. We manoeuvred slowly through the city, it really has appalling traffic (at the moment 3,000 cars are registered every day in China). However, we finally pulled up at the outskirts of the Forbidden City (the ancient imperial palace). We transferred to smaller busses and dodged back and forth into the palace complex, pulling up in front of large ornate gates. They opened as we approached into the outer courtyard of one of the main temples. We walked over small bridges, and up to another gate. This had two blokes garbed in ancient warrior armour. As we walked up, they saluted, and the gates began to open.

What a sight. There was a long red carpet leading up to the main temple. Standing on either side had to be 50 warriors. Behind these was about 20 women in full imperial court costume banging away in a complicated rhythm on drums. At the top of the steps leading to the temple where two “Imperial Lions”, each made up of 2 men in Lion costumes. They began a complicated dance down the steps to welcome us. Utterly awe struck we walked up the red carpet and up the steps to find an array of people in black tie serving drinks and canapés.

It was stunning, just stunning. But that wasn’t the end. Once all of the delegates got up to the terrace the last of the drumming went quiet and the doors to the temple opened. Inside ten women played the temple bells, a set of over 100 ancient brass bells, offset with two huge drums. This was the queue to find out tables.

In we went, to this ancient temple, to have dinner. Very nice it was too, and over the course of the evening we were entertained with acrobats, Chinese opera, traditional ballet dancers as well as traditional Chinese dancers, and a martial arts troupe.

Talk about a night to remember. I’ve been to many “gala” dinners over the years, some in stunning locations, some with fantastic entertainment. This one, without a doubt, topped them all.

Beijing

2008-05-14T01:10:00.002+01:00

I've been here many times over the years. Its been fascinating to see its evolution and to get to know people here and how they think. Its curious, they see themselves as capitalists, but not democrats. The former is hugely important, the latter not much to them really. So long as there is a rule of law, and at least a pretence of freedom of opportunity, they feel free. Isn't that what really matters in the end?

I remember back in the early nineties, this felt like a communist city. Large grey buildings, not much different one from the other. Streets full of bicycles, and the sight of a tall white foriegner something that would evoke double takes on the street.

Now it has a completely different feel. The streets are full of cars. Bicycles have almost completely disappeared. Even the little motor Rikshaw has essentially vanished, though a few are still about.

Where once there were either tangled streets of old old buildings, or row upon row of Stalinist concrete blocks, now there is every shape of modern building. They are developing a unique style of modern architecture, which evokes the old vernacular. Its interesting. There are also some striking examples of far out modern styles. One just going up has two twisted spires topped by a box. All in glass and steel, its going to be gorgeous, though I can only hope the engineers got the box on the top rigtht!

Its a city in the middle of a huge construction boom. What is odd is many buildings are occupied, but still have bits uncomplete. Like the builders got bored and left, or the owners ran out of money. Also, though the streets are scrupulously clean (litter is not allowed), maintenance seems an afterthought. Some completely new pedestrian pavements with fresh paving stones have bits missing, or are already sunk in subsidance. New buildings of glass and steel desprately need a wash and bits are falling off. I have no doubt they'll get this right at some point, but they have to watch that in the rush to get new things built, the bits already built don't fall appart.

The city has a real bustle to it. Streets thronged with people. Shops with every type of consumer good are everywhere. You can buy the latest luxury item or its cheap knock off, sometimes in the same store.

Its a city also getting more used to foriegners. I've been here at times when my walking down the street would cause people to stop talking and look. Where I've felt extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome. That is gone, though I still noticed heads turn to follow me as I walk. They are more used to foreigners, but that doesn't mean we're common here. I still spent time walking down streets with hundreds of people, and I'm the only European face.

The politics are also self evident. In London, a countries embassy says a lot about the country of origin. Where it is, and how big it is, has much to do with the size and wealth of its owner. Here, it can be the exact opposite. I walked down Embassy row here, something I often like doing. Here Gabon has a massive granite building, and the US a modest rather boring modern one.

Like New York, its a city I love visiting, but I'm not sure I'd want to live here. Still, while I am here, I intend to enjoy it.

When I was a boy...

2008-05-11T15:27:00.002+01:00

It's Pirate Pete's birthday this week. He's turning nine. I can't quite get how I ended up with a little boy who's now nine and not so little. I mean I know how, its just I still feel nine, so how do I have a son who's nine? Nine is a great age, lots of adventures, things are still new yet you are at the point you can do them too. Adulthood starts to feel close, but isn't yet either an atraction or a burden.

We did his party yesterday, him and five mates (one, his brother), at an indoor climbing centre. A climbing party, I kid you not. They didn't do things like this when I was a boy! What a hoot, they had a whale of a time (well other than the boy who was a bit chubby and never made it past half way (except once, and all the other boys cheered him on as he beat the thin wiry boy to the top (I was very proud of all of them for cheering))). Needless to say Pirate Pete was the fastest and bestest, and the only one to make it to the top every climb. He was even able to cope with the climb up around the horizonral cliff in the way. Then a party tea of pizza and crisps and cut up vegtables and the cake of a boy climbing a mountain that his mother had made.

If you're nine, this is a very good birthday party.

Even better, he got home and one boy had given him a chemistry set, another a hovercraft kit (the rest to be opened over upcoming days so that they are all special). His brother had given him some Pokemon cards, agonizingly chosen and paid for out of his own pocket money (how did I end up with boys that buy each other presents out of their own pocket money and actually think about it?) and his parents telling him he gets a new bike and the new game for his game boy he's been wanting. He went to bed a very happy boy indeed (though we still made him take a bath (poor thing)).

Today has been absolutely divine. The outdoor table and chairs have been cleaned after much back breaking effort on this boys part. It meant we got to have breakfast out on the terrace. Not much better than homemade marmalade on fresh bread, outside on a balmy morning surounded by the birds chirping and your best beloveds happily chatting around you.

But even this passes. I'm just about to hop on a plane to Beijing for the week. Blogging will be spotty (what's new with the boy, you say). I will try to drop in and leave some remarkeable comments on China, but then again, life might intervene. Its going to be a very busy week.

Discombobulation

2008-05-09T14:30:00.002+01:00

A lovely word that. Discombobulation.

Yesterday I had one boss, and a number of peers. Today I have a different boss, and some of my peers have changed. I am fine, my job is fine, I'm told I'm doing fine and are being counted on to do much more fine work. Its all fine.

Though I quite like my new boss, I rather liked my old boss. Plus one of those peers is a mate, and I really feel for him. And though my job is fine, no doubt my priorities will change.

So, I can't help feeling just a bit discombobulated.

Spring Lovliness

2008-05-07T09:18:00.002+01:00

This isn't the greatest picture I've ever taken, but we're in one of my favourite weeks of the year. The apple trees are in bloom, plus its warm and sunny. Other than the love of one's family, hard to ask for much more really. I had my breatfast standing on the terrace looking out at this. The birds where tweating, the kids laughing as they picked some grass for the Guini Pigs. Life is good.

That time of year

2008-05-06T11:27:00.002+01:00

In our garden we have some very venerable Rhubard. The parent plant came out of my wife's Grandfathers parents farm up in Fife via a couple other locations. Heaven only knows how old it was then. Needless to say it is a good strong plant, and grows near perfect Rhubard. Now is the time of year when its at its best, tender and young. We place pots over the plants in the winter, so that when it grows, it does it without light, and stays very soft and red.

I love Rhubard. Family lore has it that my mum first fed it to me when I was just a babe. I'd screw my face up at the taste, then open my mouth for more. I've certainly loved tart things ever since, and it remains one of my favourite vegtables. Right now is when I get to bake one of my all time favourite dishes, Rhubarb Crumble. There is little better than a pot full, straight out of the oven and served with Vanilla Ice Cream.

I also like experimenting, and this weekend tried out a dish that will become a new favourtie. A Rhubard and Lemon Soufle. It was incredibly yum, and the family ate it all down until not a crumb remained. The recipe is here in case you want to give it a go.

Any way, wasn't that just a fine bank holiday weekend? Most of it spent out doors, and even the long list of chores didn't dent my enjoyment of it. The garden is looking just fine, with the apple trees in blossom, and Blue Bells everywhere. How was yours?

Too Short

2008-05-02T08:40:00.002+01:00

I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but that flight was too short. I had the overnight flight from NY, and its only a bit over six hours. So, by the time you deal with take off, and have a drink, and brush your teath, sleep, then get up and have a small bite to eat before you land. Its over. The sleep bit in the middle is maybe three or four hours. Its not enough.

Especially when you have a nice lady with a very cute baby who, well, didn't like flying much. I generally don't complain about people flying with children, as god knows I've done it enough. Its just, when you only have a few hours to sleep, you want to be able to sleep. No such luck this time...

I'm veeery tired.

Interuptions

2008-05-01T18:51:00.002+01:00

Been in New York all this week. Busy busy busy, but worthwhile. I'm absolutely knackered. Unless I'm going for more than a week I try to keep my clock somewhat alighned. That means going to sleep at 9 and getting up at 3. Its enough sleep to survive, but does tend to leave me dragging my feet.

Weather has been lovely here, really nice. However, I miss LL and the kids, so I'm flying back tonight. Won't see them tomorrow, and have the always pleasant duty of removing someone from their job. Been building for a while, and time to act. A part of the job I do out of necessity, rather than the enjoyment of building something that I've been doing the rest of the week. Needs must.

Tag, you're it

2008-04-25T09:54:00.002+01:00

The Venerable G, on being tagged himself, and having determined he needed a token male in his list, and that I was the one nearest and most often about, tagged me. Having never been a token male before, and despite my reservations on being tagged for hanging about, will comply. So, with no further ado...

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

The rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book.

2. Open to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people

This is not necessarily an easy task. In my life there tends to be vast quantities of reading surrounding me. Even a work there's a nice shelf full of fulminating and not so fascinating business logs. The question is, which book to pick? Having thought long and hard I decided that I would choose three sentences out of three books and see what the resulting mashup provided.

"My ideals, my political imperative. For IT maxims and IT investments and priority decisions, it was critical to have top-level, enterprise business involvement in both input and decision making. Consumers were assumed to notice an advertisement; become engaged by its overt promise or proposition; and thereby consciously persuaded to buy."

Quite scarily, it almost makes sense. And there you have it. Now, I don't tag, but if you care to take this little snippet up, do tell!

Eyes to the front

2008-04-24T09:21:00.002+01:00

Why is it that people are only polite to that which is in front of them? I mean, if you're in a long queue of cars, often the car in front will politely let a car in from the side, even though that car hasn't queued. This is illogical. Stopping to let the other car in actually worsens the queue, plus the other car has not "paid" in time the way those in the main queue have. Yet people see the car, and think they are being good and virtuous by letting it in, when they're not. The same in crowds, people will maneuver and stop to be kind to those they see, with no thought to those they don't behind them.

Am I being mad here? Is it incontrvertible human nature to only be considerate for that which you see?

Male Confidential

2008-04-21T14:44:00.003+01:00

I live in a relatively small rural village. Its in commuting distance to London, but is proper rural. There's fields with cows and sheep, acres of vegetables and wheat, and lots of trees. Its an odd mix of types that live there, and we all consider ourselves pretty privileged to do so. There's those with money, usually quite a bit of it, and those with less. Not a lot in the middle, as you either own your house, and it cost a packet, or you inherited it, or you rent from one of the old estates.

We have a village shop with attached tea shop, a farm shop, two trout farms (one with its own smokery, and you haven't lived till you've had their alder hot smoked trout), a pub and a restaurant. I love it there, I really do. Most of all I like the people, to a soul they are hard working, honest and trustable. Of those that don't have much, they're the sort who work hard, and stay off the dole (indeed the sort who the abolition of the 10p tax rate will hurt the most (for those of you who haven't a clue what I'm on about, look here)). Our village just doesn't call on government services much, healthcare, schooling, and picking up the rubbish. That's about it.

The one thing that's subsidised is the village shop, it has a post office. Even that isn't subsidised much, but the lady who runs the shop, doesn't take enough to cover the costs of the Post Office. So, technically, it is subsidised.

So, in the recent "review" of post offices, it was one that has been targeted for closure. Now, believe it or not, it is used. There are a lot of retired folk in the village, and they do use it. The rest of us also do. Its bloody handy to walk down there to take out a bit of cash, or buy your stamps or send off a parcel. It really is the heart of the village. The lady who runs it, knows everyone and everything that's going on. She's lovely.

Yet its been targetted. The post office ran a "public consultation". We know that all but two households in the village signed a petition to keep it open. About a third of the households wrote individual letters arguing for keeping it open. Our MP (not a Labour MP mind), raised it in parliament.

But last week a poster was put up in the shop window saying that "After a full public consultation, taking into consideration the local opinion, this shop shall close on..." Clearly public opinion had absolution nothing to do with the decision. Now, I hate sounding a pompous fool, but the relative tax income of our village probably covers the social services of a fair sized borough. We also, as a village, don't consume nearly what we contribute. I don't mind that, I really don't. Those that have more, should contribute more.

Its just, this isn't necessary. These rural post offices contribute beyond the value of the pounds that pay for their operation. They are part of the glue that holds our society together. That may not be commercially fair to a corporate Post Office, but then I don't think the Post should be purely a commercial operation.

In this case, I think we've lost. Our shop looses its Post Office in about a month, and the lady who runs it is very scared about whether she can continue without that extra little bit of financial security it provides. When she looses the Postal counter, she also looses the steady trickle of business the rest of us provide. Best will in the world, we'll all go there less.

When is this government going to actually look and see the damage they cause?

All Sorts

2008-04-17T11:23:00.002+01:00

I am feeling out of sorts today. Something's not quite right, and I can't quite put my finger on it. Nothing serious, nothing earth shattering, but just a bit odd. I'm stuggling to concentrate, I'm feeling a bit rough, I'm not particularly hungry, not particularly motivated.

Out of sorts, its the only way to describe it.

Normal service will resume shortly...

Food Glorious Food

2008-04-16T10:52:00.001+01:00

Food riots, a goverment toppled, Japan runs out of butter. A year ago would you have dreamed of such headlines? It is going to be quite the year between food scarcity and a financial crisis (coincidental they've happened at the same time btw (though both arguably have been caused by human greed)).

For over a century there has been scare mongering about how the population explosion will result in us not being to be able to feed ourselves. Now it is finally hitting home. In a sense it is not real. The scarcity is at least partially self engineered.

Global free trade has driven many farmers in the developed world out of business. There are large tracts of arable land not being farmed.
A trend towards biofuels (gasoline substitutes made from grown products) has taken a significant minority portion of food production out of service.
The rise in the standards of living in India and China have resulted in consumption trends towards higher energy value foods (read meat takes more land to produce than wheat).

Its curious that each of these things in and of itself, but combined create a crisis. The joy of chaos theory in action. Seemingly unrelated events coalescing into something new. The question will be, what do we do? Times are going to be interesting folks.

Eurozoom

2008-04-15T13:36:00.002+01:00

I'm blogging for Gay Paris today. Well, not so Gay, its overcast and a bit drizzly, so positively heterosexual. I always take the Eurostar when I come here, but yesterday was the first time I did St Pancras station.

Very mixed reviews. A grand lobby, and a nice big departure lounge, but no shopping. Plus the business lounge was positively spartan and small. I was very confused. Then you go up to the lovely Victorian concourse to get on the trains. Expect its only part Victorian and part modern industrial. The trains, unfortunately, are the same old ones and feel like a 1960's version of the future. I was sat beside a rather large chap on a full train, so was squeezed into the window.

The obvious bigger plus is that it now takes slightly more than two hours to get to Paris. What an improvement. I'd stopped flying to Paris years ago, but now with a good half to three quarters of an hour shaved off the journey, its a delight. Just enough time to watch an episode ot Grey's Anatomy, read the paper and have a meal. A very pleasant journey indeed.

Up to date

2008-04-14T10:29:00.002+01:00

I am not, up to date that is. Having decided to give myself a bit of a bloggy break I'm finding it increasingly hard to get back into the swing of it. There's no particular cause or angst, just time. Work is getting increasingly busy, though in the best of senses. I generally don't blog at home, so there's no time to be found there either.

Interesting this Times article. Though I pride myself on my techie edge, when at home I don't multi-task. I like to play with the kids, talk to my wife, or just zone out to music, a book or a bit of telly. Surfing and telly and texting at the same time just isn't relaxing. That's what home is supposed to be, isn't it? At work I can be doing five things at once. Since starting this post I've had a phone call, two people stop in the office, have dealt with a number of emails, and fixed a nephew's iPod. At home though, I take it easier. Which is another reason I haven't been blogging much.

Regardless, life continues. Despite the best of intentions, we spent the weekend at home. We had thought to go up to the Science Museum, but the traffic problems with the marathon put paid to that. Then we though of all going to a movie, but the kids couldn't agree on one. I was going to take them fishing, but thunderstorms every half hour didn't make that likely. So it was a bit of a home weekend. We've had a few too many of those lately. I feel guilty we don't get out with the kids more, but then, life together at home isn't all that bad.

Plans are continuing on building out extension. Its still looking good for starting in June. I still expect it to start later, this project has been a long long story of delays, why should it be any different now. Still, had been fun looking at bathroom fittings, and geothermal heating sources. I was reading up on solar power, but can't make up my mind if its worth it or not in England. We could install enough to power our heating and some of the other house needs, but its bloody expensive. I'm still tempted though, as it gets us close to being carbon neutral. We'd attach it to the grid, then mostly take a "credit" in the summer as that's when we'd generate the most power, then take it "back" in the winter. A bit of a cheat, but still tempting.

Work continues apace. I'm on the road a lot at the moment, which is part of the time deficit. I have such mixed feelings about business travel. It takes me away from home, which I hate. Yet I quite like meeting people in our local offices. I'd love to see more of the cities I travel to, but don't get much chance of that. LL and I were talking this morning about how it would be nice if she could come with me some times. Problem is then she'd have to take time off work, and neither of us is very good at that.

Any way, I will try to post and visit you lot more often. Promise. Meanwhile life continues apace...

Snow Beautiful Snow

2008-04-07T12:09:00.004+01:00

It was meant to be a fun weekend. Get away from the house, go do something. Origionally we thought we'd go do the tour of Tower Bridge, but the kids weren't interested. They wanted to go see the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum. Then we heard about the torch relay thing and thought better of the traffic mess. The final plan was to head over to Hampton Court Palace as Ali Baba had been with school and had enthused about the way cool medieval kitchens (go figure, but they are my kids (and those kitchens are way cool)).

But we woke up to this. We were going no where! BMWs don't like snow and we have two steep drives to navigate without even thinking of the chaos on the roads.

Not that anyone complained. Snow men, hot chocolate, snowball fights, a nice fire burning in the parlour, and indoor games like the kids making up a play complete with songs were the order of the day.

A pity we had to wait until April for a day of proper snow. Pity its all gone bar the snow men! It was still a fun weekend though...

Crunch Munch

2008-03-31T12:47:00.001+01:00

One of the things that always catchs me by surprise in life is those times you realise you've been missing something you hadn't known.

Take toast for example (yes I said toast). We've had the same toaster for a very long time. I also bake most of our bread. For toast I do this fairly yummy oatmeal bread (a mix of flours and rolled oats). Its a surprisingly light bread.

However, it never toasted very well. We'd put it in a couple of times and it would dry out nicely and make perfectly good toast. Dry, nice texture, just not overly brown.

Then recently our aged toaster packed it in. Just stopped working. I checked the fuses and what wiring I could get at, but no luck. Tinkers don't exist any more and any decent electrician who would even look at the job would charge far more than the cost of a new toaster. Its perverse, but that is our modern world.

So I went out and bought one of these. A thing of functional beauty. Yesterday, with a fresh loaf of bread we road tested it. What came out was astonishing. Brown and crisp on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside. The flavour was even improved. It was a marvelous realisation. I'd had the toaster from before I started making bread. I'd always thought it was the bread. I never knew toast could be like this!

Sometimes, just sometimes you can blame the tool...

On feeling stale

2008-03-17T10:22:00.002Z

I haven't known quite what to do with blogging lately. I am feeling stale and a tad on the boring side with my posting. I still enjoy reading, but have had to push myself to post. I think it shows. I don't intend giving up, but just need a bit of a break. I'm traveling this week anyway, then heading to the cottage for the long weekend. Nothing like a bit of windswept rambling through the Derbyshire Dales to clear the head.

So, though I will still be stopping by, I think I won't be posting for a bit. If you have any grand ideas for what you'd like to read, do let me know. Otherwise, ta for now!

Things that make you go Hmmm...

2008-03-13T10:20:00.002Z

I don't talk about work much, my employer knows I blog, but has asked me to be discreet. However, I've let some things drop. I work in the Media industry, in that great wide work that inundates us with news, entertainment and advertising. I also work at the top of my field, with global oversite of a range of functions.

Yesterday was interesting. I spent time with our South African MD, discussing the issues and challenges which are unique to that nation. Some of it is fascinating, the challenges of using business to help address some of the wrongs of the past.

The bit of conversation that stopped me was about power. Electric power that is. South Africa doesn't have enough. They haven't been investing in infrastructure as the economy changed and people actually have started to rise out of poverty.

There is a huge internal conversation going on in the country about what to do about it. The thing that stopped me was when we got onto nuclear power. We're consulting the goverment about how to have the discussion. The problem is, in four of the fifteen languages there is actually no work for "nuclear".

Hmmm...

Animal Justice

2008-03-11T09:50:00.003Z

So, we have had a sole male Guinea Pig for a while now, almost two years. We bought him when he was still an adolescent, so all he's known is us and our house. As Ali Baba just turned seven he was allowed a pet as well. We debated letting him have another indoor pet, but LL wasn't thrilled with the thought of another cage cluttering up the house. So, he had two options, get a Guinea Pig indoors, or have rabbits or chickens outdoors.

He wasn't keen on the idea of having to go outside every day to take care of it, so a second Guinea Pig it was. However, everyone we talked to said Adult Males just won't get along with another Adult Male in a closed cage, they will fight and very likely hurt each other. A female adolescent wasn't a good idea as our dear current male will likely molest her. The best bet, we were told, was an adult female who's had a few litters. She'll be calmer and know how to react to him.

However, we didn't want to start raising little piglets, so that meant our Boar getting the snip. Off to the vet he went, it all went fine, and we waiting a month to let it settle down. Last weekend was when we brought home our new girl.

Its been very traumatic in this boy's household, though it is now settling down. Clearly she was a scared little pig as she scuttered away to hide in their "home" in the cage, and just wouldn't come out. It Tom went in, it was for seconds before he came running out, obviously nipped. If she came out, he strutted and waggled his bottom butting up against her chittering away excitedly. He hasn't tried to mount her, poor thing clearly doesn't know what to do. He just gets into a high state of bother.

We've taken to getting him out of the cage for periods of time. Finally she's coming out to eat and drink. This morning I came down to find them both out eating, so its clearly settling down. As amusing as it is, I do wonder. We've kept our first pet on his own, it was all he knew. He seemed happy, and loved settling down in laps to be petted (he actually purrs). Now we've added a friend, but he doesn't really know what to do about it, and she's clearly been a scared little thing. Its now starting to calm down, and we think our goal of peaceful coexistence will work, but...

It feels a bit strange. I'm not big on animal rights, other than simple humane treatment. I do believe in animal testing being right, so long as it is for sound medical rather than cosmetic reasons. I also eat meat, and see no objection to continuing. So long as the animal was raised in good healthy conditions. Yet I'm feeling a bit out of sorts by two tiny little animals being pretty clearly not quite sure what's going on. Might have to think on this a bit.

Fine Boredom

2008-03-10T09:59:00.002Z

It was a quiet weekend. Just puttering around the house, playing with the kids, reading the paper, and the requisite chores. I do like my house, but what is it about owning that means there is always a list longer than your arm of things to do? This weekend I changed a bunch of light bulbs, repaired a leak in the sink, did the last sweep of leaves from the drive, cleaned out the garage, disposed of three dead mice (I'm a deadly mouse exterminator me), turned over some soil to get it ready for LL to plant the spring veg, filled the bird feeder and made a little ramp for the Guinea Pigs to get in and out of their cage unaided.

Speaking of which, we now have a second Guinea Pig. Wee Tom has been a lonely boar, so we got him snipped and have brought in a mature sow to keep him company. I'm sure they'll get used to each other, but the cage was rather angst ridden. Poor Tom doesn't quite know what's up. He's never had another adult around, and now there's a female. Except he's had the snip, so though his instincts are telling him he should be interested, his body is telling him he can't, plus he doesn't really know what to do anyway. Very confusing.

Oh, and we went for a trip to look at bathroom porn. With the building works going ahead we have to decide how the new en suite will look. You can spend an awfully large amount of money on a modern bathroom. I think we likely will too, but it should look rather nice when we're done. At least it better.

Food was nice this weekend. Last night I got in a lowly half a salmon, poached it in a bit of white wine and served it up with a plain fish stock risotto, roast tomatoes and steamed marrow and mushrooms. Then banana splits for pudding (one of the kids favourite deserts, so we indulge them (I don't enjoy them myself (not at all))).

Eco Lust

2008-03-07T10:55:00.002Z

Her sleek curves seduce me. Powerful legs leading to the perfect torso. She has the stamina of a horse, able to just keep going and going. There's no foreplay allowed, just touch her and she's off like a rocket. Together we can go for miles, either effortless and smooth, or fast and hot. Her socket is so seductive, promising guilt free delights.

Is it wrong to be seduced by this? Will be eco credentials be magnified or will I be a fat assed middle aged hypocrite? I don't know, so for now I stay in my tidy little Smart car, but maybe, just maybe I put down the deposit... LL laughed and said that if this is the worst my middle aged crisis can do then bring it on. Besides, she thought it looked pretty cool...

Books

2008-03-05T11:32:00.003Z

Don't know if this counts as a meme or not, but this post is based on a boozy dinner the other night. We got on to the conversation of which books had changed our lives. For a book worm like me its not an easy question. Most books I read get my mind churning in one way or another, but saying that there are books which do stand out in my mind. So, a post, which books and why. I'd be curious what has happened in your life, but don't like doing the tagging thingy, so do it if it intrigues you.

1) Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathrusta - I read this in my late teens and it both excited and appalled me. I do not agree that all that does not kill us makes us stronger, but I can not help but observe that some humans are of stronger will and capability than others. However, that opinion also strongly informed my belief that all man is equal. Equal in rights, though not necessarily equal in ability. Also, that with strength comes responsibility. Those are my thoughts, not Neitzsche... I also rather reject that animals live to exert power over each other argument. He ignores the concept of will, and that cooperation is often necessary to survival. It changed my life in that it got me to think and define my own philosophy rather than whole heartedly accept anothers.

2) Heinlein's Stanger in a Strange Land - I read a lot of science fiction, some of which I will strongly contend is at the forefront of literature. This is an odd old book, written by a man probably taking a lot of drugs at the time. Its a hippy story as much as anything, but it really got me to quetsion God and define my spirituality. I don't mean that in a negative sense, it was a profound time for me. I am deeply religious, but not in a traditional sense. Some day I'll post on it, just not yet...

3) Machiavelli's Discourses on Livy - Though I took a degree in hard science (Math), I couldn't quite bring myself to do it forgoing all other things. One of the courses I loved was a small tutorial on Political Science. Two of my most heartfound books came out of the readings for this course. I read both the Prince and the Discourses. Its the Prince he's most well known for, but it wasn't meant as a training guide for dictators as is commonly thought, but as a warning. His Discourses, which is actually a collection of thought pieces, is a profound look at how Democracy should work. Many of the fundamentals of the American Constitution arouse out of Machiavelli. It still today informs much of my thinking on government and how it should work.

4) Asimov's Foundation Trilogy - Again, a bloody good sci fi romp, but he's got some underlying thinking that really gripped me. There is one theme that I still muse upon and struggle with today, "Violence is the last resort of the incompetent". He was not a pacifist by any means, but there is a whole philosophy of life in that one line. When is violence permissible, and how should you live to avoid it?

5) Smith's Wealth of Nations - Another book I struggled with, but really helped inform my own thinking. I am a capitalist and do believe in free markets. However, I also believe the free market does not have a place in all aspects of life. Education and Health benefit the nation as a whole, and do not go lightly with market economics. The book itself explores the nature of national economies, and is widely thought to be the starting point of economics as a discipline.

There are other books, which meant different things to me, so I could go on. However, those are the ones I remembered with a glass of wine in my hands, so its also where I'll stop.

Plague House

2008-03-03T09:30:00.002Z

We're normally a pretty healthy house, but sometimes the bugs just win one over. First Ali Baba came down with a fevour then a bad cough (he had two days of school late last week), then Princess picked up the cough (but not the fevour) and spent the last two nights with the croup. So she's not going to school today. Finally LL woke up with stomach cramps this morning. She's soldering on in to work, but I'd lay money on her not making the day. She doesn't complain unless on death's door, so its not looking good.

I, however, seem to have escaped the worst (yes I knocked on my wooden desk just then). My eye sight seems to be settling down. Its goes occasionally blurry. Often I think because my eyes are quite gummy still. Sometimes because the poor muscles feel tired. However, I can read again, and I can see without glasses. A very odd sensation. I keep reaching up to straighten them, and walk around with the odd sensation that something's wrong. Then I realise that my mind thinks I shouldn't be seeing clearly. All very confusing, but in a good way.

News glorious news

2008-02-29T11:37:00.003Z

So the surgery was odd, but easy. You go and sit on a nice comfy table, then your eyes get swabbed, then the eyelids tapped open, then it gets weird. Each eye in turn gets done. First they place a device directly on your eye, the world goes black, thenit cuts a flap off your cornea. I felt nothing other than pressure. It comes off, you have the odd site of the doctor directly swabbing your eye ball, then its a bit of flashy red light. The smell is the weirdest as it burns the lens into its new shape. Finally the flap gets put back, a protective contact lens is put in place and... voila. Its done.

You're supposed to keep your eyes as closed a possible for the next while, and you have to wear funny shades to bed to stop you from rubbing your eyes. I slept well enough, and got up refreshed this morning. My eyes are a little sore, and things are still a bit blurry. Much improved, I can see long distances, but a bit blurry. Its a combination of the cornea being a bit swollen and the lens muscles readjusting. It is supposed to improve as the days go by. I shall keep you posted, but for now, all is well.

On another note I was about to post about how well its going with the new nanny. We really like her. She's friendly, happy, and the arrangements with her bringing her little girl along some of the time seems to be going well. She's picked up all the cleaning stuff, and its amazingly nice to come home to a tidy house every night. The kids are getting along with her as well, so all was seeming better than good.

Then... last night we had her in tears as she said she'd just found out she was pregnant! Seems she has a medical problem such that she doesn't have a period per say, but had been feeling a little queer lately. Went into the doctor and found out she was 12 weeks pregnant! Completely unplanned, she said their birth control (thankfully without going into detail) must have failed.

Just our luck, to find someone we like, and likes us and the job, and... she's pregnant! Still both trying to figure out what we do now...

Buck Rogers

2008-02-28T09:43:00.001Z

I am a four eyes. Since the tender age of eight I have woken up, put on my glasses and effectively worn them until I took them off to go to bed. Day in, day out bar the odd day when they where broken, or to play sports I've had a bit of metal and glass sitting on my nose.

Today, bar a disaster, that is going to change. When laser surgery came out I had a friend in the field. I considered it, but as I'm not that bothered by my state, thought it safe to wait ten years to see what the long term effects where. Ten years somehow became twenty, but they changed the methodology in there somewhere, and still I waited.

Oddly enough I've just had a good number of friends who've 'been done' lately. One in particular had done a lot of research and interviewed 8 different doctors before settling on one. It seems the right time, especially if someone else has done the hard work.

So, later today I got to sit in a chair, have my eyelids be put into bondage, and to have a very precise light indeed shone into my eyes. The prognosis is, all going well, that I might end up with even better than 20/20 vision. We shall see... Literally.

I'm quite looking forward to a life with only two eyes. Glasses are a bit of a bother. They're always needing cleaning and going out in the rain is a nuisance. I also can't just buy those cool looking sunglasses.

I shall tell you how it goes tomorrow (or maybe the next day as it takes a bit of time for the brain to adjust (apparently)). Wish me luck!

Pride vs Terror

2008-02-26T09:59:00.001Z

Pride and terror seem a very odd mix, but its pretty common as a parent. You want to see them grow and learn and achieve, but at the very same time you want them safe. A soft big fluffy duvet to swaddle them up in would do just nicely.

Take skiing for instance. When Princess graduated from the nursery slopes to go with an instructor up the hill, both LL and I were hugely proud. We hung back and took the next gondola up so we could watch. Seeing her do her nice big turns following in the duck row behind the teacher was wonderful.

Yet at the same time my heart was in my mouth. Its so steep, she's taken a fall, is everything all right! Yet she gets up, obviously giggling, and carries on. After that moment of terror I was even more proud of her for getting up laughing.

Its the bit of parenting that is so wonderful and yet so horrible. You love them so much every achievement is your own. Equally every pain they have is felt double fold. You'd give anything, even your life to spare them harm.

Yet... Yet... Life means harm. Its unavoidable really if you're lucky its not too much harm, and the good outweighs it. Last week was a lucky week, lots of good, lots of pride and not too much of the terror and harm.

Heaven

2008-02-25T12:05:00.002Z

I'm back.

It was a fantastic week. We went to Austria to the little resort of Galtur. Carefully chosen because 1) its high up and 2) its quiet and 3) it was supposed to be a real family resort. It met all three points with flying colours.

We stayed at a typical Austrian guest house in a small suite with the kids in one room and us in the next. A nice place, complete with Jacuzzi in the basement. Food was good two, dinner each night was a five course extravaganza, but thankfully quickly served. When you've got small kids having dinner nice and prompt is a blessing. It was all things the kids ate (mostly), which helps!

The highlight though was the skiing. Its not a big resort, maybe 40km of runs, but well kept. Nothing hugely exciting, even the black runs where a bit tame, but that wasn't what we were looking for this time. What really helped was an excellent ski school. The kids are all at different levels, indeed Princess at the ripe age of four hadn't had skies on before. All of them did really well. Princess, from a start of naught, but the end of the week graduated from the bunny slopes to ski right down from the top of the mountain. She is now one of those ultra cute, slightly nauseating little kiddie bundles that flashes down the slopes. The boys did equally well, no accidents, just happy kids.

For us two adults it was just a quiet week skiing in clear blue skies on really excellent snow. Nothing two exciting, but we had to meet the kids for lunch and after their classes, so we couldn't exactly go far. No, we just meandered and enjoyed the view.

It was just one of those holidays that is hard to beat. Good weather, good exercise, good views, good food and happy happy kids. Not much more to ask for really!

Time Out

2008-02-15T10:37:00.001Z

Oh lots of posts burbling at the back of my brain. However, its been a busy week. Then, as of tomorrow chez boy decamps to a cold snowy clime to do a bit of skiing.

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with the sport. It has hurt me as a long surgical scar on one arm can prove. I have to deal with my ego about having a wife who is a far far better skier than I am (poor male poppet that I am...). Plus I suffer from mild vertigo and sometimes looking down a steep slope I have to take my heart in my hands and literally make a leap of faith that I'll survive my way to the bottom.

All of those can be dealt with. The benefits so far outweigh them. I'm a bit of an outdoor boy. There is nothing better than crisp cold air, blue sky and mountains for a sky line. Well maybe warm sultry air, crisp white sand and crystal blue sea, but you get the idea. It means a day of exercise. It means spending time together with those I love. Its lots of goodness which make it easy to cope with those other tiny issues.

The two boys are just starting to be OK skiers. I suspect a fair bit of this trip will be spent with them on the easy blue and green runs. That's just OK. There will come a day when they are better at it than I am, and they'll go zooming off. For now some family togetherness is good.

So for now, and the next week, its this boy signing off. See you all soon!

Loss

2008-02-13T10:23:00.002Z

I'm in the curious position of being involved in a senior manager having been asked to leave the company. At this level people aren't fired, they are asked to compromise. Lawyers are involved, tidy sums of money exchanged, and words around the leaving are carefully crafted to assure no vocal position of blame or censure.

It ain't like this for most. I have some sympathy, the man is 59 and will be unlikely to be hired full time again. Saying that, there's a good market in what's known as interim management where you get paid a lot of money for generally short periods of work. He won't be hard up financially, though I can't speak for emotionally.

My sympathy stops around behavior. He's being awkward at every turn, telling people its a mistake, that wrack and ruin will follow. I can't help but think how I'll behave in the same circumstance (because I'll be very lucky indeed if it doesn't happen to me sometime). I wouldn't act like he is, you put on your best smile, be as helpful as possible, and exit as gracefully as allowed.

On the flip side I'm having to deal with the fall out. I'm managing his team while we go through a reorganisation, am dealing with all the issues that are coming out of the woodwork, and generally not having a good time. Its not easy, for him, for me, for the staff. Yet, as hard as it is, its the right decision for the business. Things change, you adapt, and carry on. Such is life...

Procrastinator

2008-02-11T13:18:00.000Z

Putting things off to the last minute. Its such a bad habit and one I'm more than a little guilty of myself. It seems number one son has inherited said bad habit.

He was assigned a project to get done by half term. He had to draw a picture and write a page about a Hindu God. Half term is coming up and it had to get done this weekend. We'd organised a visit to the library and he and I had done a little surfing to find some good pictures and stories. Thing is, that was weeks ago, and he'd done nothing more.

I think he was finding it all a bit daunting. He also had a lot of other home work this weekend as well as having to practice for his music boards exam on the sax. It ended up with him slumped on the floor Saturday afternoon crying about how unfair it all is. He suffers a bit from oldest sibling syndrome of having to do everything first.

Unfortunately LL lost it a bit and there was loud words and more tears. I struggle with outright anger, LL does not. Oddly it may have been cathartic for both of them. Regardless, after some dark muttering Pirate Pete buckled down.

Sunday ended up a really lovely day. Deals on behavior had been struck, birthday parties had to be gone to, and a little boy got busy with his homework. Thing is, he did a pretty good job. We discussed layout (he's studied newspapers at school) he went through his various sources and highlighted the facts he wanted to use, did a draft then wrote out his good copy. It wasn't bad at all.

As I was tucking him last night in he told me it had been a really nice relaxing day. Funny, he'd actually worked really hard, he just hadn't got stressed about it. May his life so continue...

Thought for the Day

2008-02-08T09:38:00.000Z

My drive to the train station often coincides with "Thought for the Day" on the Today programme. You get religous leaders having an open forum for a few minutes on any topical subject.

Sometimes you get the most banal platitudes, sometimes there is commentary that it interesting and occasionally there is real insight that makes me node my head.

Today was one of the later days. Sacks, the Chief Rabbi, was commenting on recent scientific study that stated most often childhood obesity was based on genes. Parents could wipe their heads in relief that if little Johnny wasn't so little is wasn't their fault.

I'm paraphrasing, but Sacks very simply said that this discounts free will. Circumstance, background or even genes aside, you do determine how you live your life. In the case of children, who's free will and conscience is not yet fully formed, parental will substitutes.

I couldn't agree more. We seem to have drifted into a society where fault lays everywhere but with the individual. True, life is unfair, some people have genes which predispose them to being skinny others to being large. That is unfair and its hard. Yet free will holds true. A predisposition to your body retaining fat does not mean you have to be fat. It does mean you have to eat less and exercise more. That is massively unfair, but, you know, that's life.

Privacy Lost

2008-02-05T08:44:00.000Z

Its been such an informative news month. Many of our dear governments trampling of long established rights and freedoms have come to light in gaffs and explosions. The latest news of an MP being taped while in conversation with a constituent in jail.

Not that long ago (ie under the last conservative government) a request for electronic surveillance had to be approved by a magistrate, then signed off by no less than the home secretary. It had long been deemed such an extreme invasion of privacy that it required the highest level of judicial and political oversight.

No more.

Through a string of legislation surveillance can be undertaken on the simple suspicion of a senior police officer or in many circumstances, a senior civil servant. Did you know that your local council has the right to bug your phone if you are suspected of fly tipping? No judicial oversight, no conversation with a government minister, you can just have your phone calls listened to because you have dumped some rubbish. Oh, sorry, because you're suspected of dumping some rubbish.

Now I don't know about you, but I've never been hugely impressed with the quality of management of my local council. In saying that I think we have one of the better managed councils.

Did you know that there are over 100 government agencies at various levels that can access your tax records or even your medical records? They don't need to particularly prove anything, just ask for it in the normal carrying out of duties.

Now, perhaps, modern surveillance doesn't need the signature of the home secretary, though it would clearly make people think twice. However, the complete break with even standard judicial oversight is absurd. We've sleep walked into a police state people and its time to wake up.

Manly manliness

2008-02-04T10:47:00.000Z

So, a week away, and though I kept up with my question answering I'm woefully behind with my other bloggy duties. Somehow I'll catch up, but its a busy week. A final question to go, but a small divergence back to life.

I didn't play soccer as a boy, I did the Canadian thing of hockey and rugby. I can't say I did much of either, swimming was more my sport, but I did play some

Rugby is definitely an amateur sport in Canada, no professional league to speak of. When you get older you switch to Canadian Football, which is similar to its American cousin but different. I had no idea that it was played the way it is in England.

I love it. Show me tickets to a Chelsea match and I'll shrug my shoulders, but tickets to Twickenham and I'm there. I'm sure I'll upset someone (or many someones) but to me Rugby is a man's sport. Soccer is all dancing, US Football all pads and protection and standing around. Rugby is fast, hard, with real proper danger.

So it was with entirely mixed feelings I heard that Pirate Pete had been chosen for his year group school squad. I love the fact that I've got a sporty boy who likes to read and do math and tootle on his sax. Yet, you can't be a parent and not feel their pain if hurt.

Yesterday was the regional finals for the nationals. They did well, not quite well enough to get to the next round, but they won the runners up plate. My boy was out there, pounding up and down the pitch, tackling and getting his hands on the ball when he could.

Boy, what a mixed emotion when you see your lad do a flying tackle. Pure unadulterated pride in watching him be tough, and a catch in your heart as you wait for everyone to get up and play on. I loved it though and was proud along with him as he talked about the final match they won to take the plate.

Tarnished Halo

2008-01-31T12:30:00.000Z

Now, a veritable test of my techi blue peter badge. Can I explain enough about web architecture to answer Clarissa’s question of “Why aren't there any comments in the pop up box, when the link says there are three comments?” To do this properly I need a whiteboard and some non permanent markers, but I do a text blog, so I’ll just have to make do with words.

I can not answer explicitly about Haloscan, as I’ve never talked to the guy who built it. However, there are some fundamentals of web technology that would likely explain what’s going on when Clarissa sees a certain number beside the comment button, but then sees no comments.

First I’ll start with how a web delivery system is layered. The internet is a numbers game you see. Clunky old servers with slow hard drives are necessary, because you invariably have more information than you know what to do with. However, if you try to answer every request that comes in from the internet, you really can’t do it fast enough. So, you put what’s known as a proxy device on top of your server. This has lots of silicon memory, like in your mobile phone or ipod nano. Its fast, very fast, but expensive.

What you do, is keep your most commonly called elements up in the proxies. There are always bits of a web page, like the branded header or navigation bar, that never change. You keep these up in the ultra fast memory. Other changeable things, you keep up there, but put an expiry against them. Say, for a blog, you keep today’s post in the proxy. It will be called and read frequently, so you keep it up where its fast, but you give it an expiry of say, a day. It won’t get read so much tomorrow. Everything else, all the infrequently read stuff, you keep down in the slow clunky web server with hard drives. It gets called up as and when.

Generally this works very well. You keep the things you need fast or that will get frequently viewed, in fast memory. Things that don’t get used much, you call when needed. But… its all a numbers game. Sometimes you get it wrong, say you have a picture that hasn’t been viewed in days, but for some reason suddenly 1,000 people want to look at it, exactly at the same time. It happens. 1,000 requests for the same thing (or maybe 1,000 requests for completely different things) at the same time can queue up a web server, and to all the public out there the web page suddenly grinds to a halt. So you put in safe guards, and maybe deliver an empty packet of information or a little message saying “Sorry”.

So, in Clarissa’s case, everything worked as it should when Haloscan was asked for the number of comments on a post, it was supplied as needed. However, when she then clicked on the link, and asked for the comments themselves, something went wrong. Likely it was just too many people asking for different blog comments at once (much as I like to think I’m widely read, I highly doubt 1,000 people suddenly wanted the same comments). To protect itself, Haloscan delivered the pop up box, complete with template (because that will be in the proxy), but just couldn’t deal with the request for the comment text, and was delivered back nothing.

Not ideal. I’ve noticed Haloscan can be a bit flacky at times, but then its paid for by the advertising. Likely it’s a pretty mean gruel to live on, so the infrastructure is designed to cope by delivering nothing once in a while when its too busy. Sad, but necessary.

Bananas

2008-01-30T10:35:00.000Z

A Japing Ape asked, "Would you rather sit on an ostrich egg or Captain Picard's head?"

This is a trick question I think. To be honest I would not like to sit on either an ostrich egg or Captain Picard's head. I think maybe perhaps it is one of those psycho exclusion questions where you show your deep dark inner self by choosing the lesser of two evils. As I must choose one or the other I would definitely choose Captain Picard's head.

An ostrich egg, you see, as well as being uncomfortable, and likely to break, making a mess, would also have a mummy ostrich near by. Ostriches are big and quite fearsome. They have spurs at the back of their feet which can disembowel a lion. Their beaks are quite strong, as are their necks, and I have seen a walnut cracked by a hungry Ostrich before. I would not want to sit on an Ostrich egg as I think the mummy Ostrich would very likely hurt me.

Captain Picard's head however, might be a little bit uncomfortable, and I suspect he wouldn't like me up there, but he is a very urbain captain. I'm sure I would be feed excellent Earl Grey tea and good French food. As well, I would get to fly about with him in the Starship Enterprise, which would be cool. I would quite fancy going where no man has gone before, even if the price is sitting on a man's head.

Regret

2008-01-28T13:07:00.000Z

Peach asked, “Well, I wonder if you have any regrets?”

In a way this is simple to answer, but of course nothing is ever really simple. I am who I am today because of the life I lived. If I went back and changed anything I wouldn’t be who I am today, I would be someone different. If I changed some of those big life defining moments I would be possibly completely different. You know what? I like who I am today, so no I wouldn’t change anything.

But… it is never that simple. Looking back through life there are clearly moments I am ashamed of, where I acted like an ass, or was a bastard to a woman. Things I did where I hurt someone else, yes, I would go back and change those. I regret those.

For example, I think back to my time with J. The woman I mentioned who died in my arms? We were together for four years, and the relationship had both highs and lows. During the lows there are many moments I regret. People in love can do the most hugely harmful things to each other. I was certainly on the receiving end of some emotionally killer moments, and I have to say I dished some out as well.

I’m not sure why I’m going to write this, perhaps it’s a way of laying my regret out. Of apologising to someone I can’t ever really apologise to. There is one moment that I would undo, an action I would take back. Forgive me for getting a bit rude, but there’s no other way to explain this.

J liked oral sex, a lot. It was kind of her thing. I can’t say I minded in the least. She was pretty good. Early on in our time together she relayed a story about how her ex husband (a bit of a bastard whom she left after he was violent) sometimes pushed her away when she offered the same. She always felt it was punishment and cruel.

One night later in our relationship, when she was well and truly ill, I was pissed off about something. I can’t honestly remember what I was pissed off about it. Frankly it doesn’t matter as that night I pushed her away when she was trying to be kind. I regretted it the second I did it, knew I’d hurt her, and at the same time did nothing about it. How stupid was that? Not only did I deny us both a bit of fun at a time when we both needed it, but I used a tactic I knew would cause her pain. One of those things done in the heat of a second that you can’t pull back.

Needless to say, our relationship went from bad to worse. That we patched the wounds, that we had made steps to reconcile before she died is something I am deeply grateful for. I was enough of a mess after she died, if we’d still been feuding it would have been immeasurably worse.

So no, I am now who I am and would not go back, but yes, there are things I regret that I have done.

Peach also asked, “What about things you would do differently knowing what you know now, specifically life things like children and timing and marriage and commitment and you know all that stuff?”

I married latish, in my mid thirties and LL and I immediately settled down to have kids. Having kids later means dealing with all the tiring stuff, midnight feeds and nappy changes and illness, when you’ve started the downward slope to decrepitude. Sleep deprivation is torture, pure and simple. We went through it through three kids, spaced closely together. It means dealing with it when your careers are peaking, and time is ultra precious. It means being old when they hit adulthood. I’ll be in my late fifties when Princess hits university.

Yet… I wouldn’t change it. When LL and I met we’d both had more than a few relationships. We both knew exactly what we were looking for. We’d also both travelled widely, and had lived a lot of life. Kids take focus and energy, they do change your life. I’m perfectly content living a monogamous life centred around work, wife and kids because I’ve already lived a lot. I don’t feel I’m missing anything.

Which doesn’t mean there aren’t things I still want to do, it just means I’m happy to be doing what I am doing now. I don’t think I would have been as good a husband and father if I’d done it earlier. I still had things to learn. Which is not the same as saying I’m perfect now, lord knows I’m not. I’m just better than I was, more ready, more… content.

Firsts

2008-01-25T08:16:00.000Z

A certain Boy who Does Life asked “Tell the group the story of losing your virginity.”

Now I came to sex fairly late in life. I was officially (just) out of my teens, at twenty. That wasn’t for lack of thinking about it, or wanting it, but just down to being painfully (very painfully) shy. Looking back with more experienced eyes I see more than a few women (OK, girls, but they felt like women at the time) coming close to throwing themselves at my feet. I just didn’t get it, didn’t do anything about it, and was a virgin far longer than I aught to have been. Or maybe not, because life is what it is.

Now I had just started going out with a Kiwi nanny, well au pair, but she called herself a nanny. She had slightly more experience than I, having had one long term relationship with an older man. At the time, this all sounded exotic and cool. Experienced ears now hear the story of a girl pretty screwed up who had run away across a whole ocean to get away from him. How I didn’t see the warning lights just makes me shake my head.

Any way, we’d just started going out, had maybe had three dates. Please remember, these were frankly the first real dates I’d ever had. All previous experience with girls had been within the safety of large groups of friends or family. I’d never really dated before.

My then group of friends where planning a camping trip. At that point of my life this was something I did a lot. Well, you do in Canada, we’re like that. Pack up the car with what you need, head in a semi random direction (eg towards the mountains or away), find a place to stop. Load up a back pack and off you go. Dear LL shudders when she hears me talk of doing that. The concept of wild animals like bears and no toilets just isn’t her thing. She’s no shrinking violet my wife, but camping just doesn’t do it for her.

While discussing this plan said girl friend casually suggests we share a tent. I still remember the shock, excitement then sheer joy that sprang into my veins at the thought of it. I knew it, this was it, the time had come.

Roll on the weekend, which it did. Now camping in the wilds is fun (trust me, serious fun). Sex in the wild outdoors is fun (trust me, hugely fun, really stonkingly good fun). Sex, when you’re outdoors, and the weather turned mid afternoon, and it rained, and the temperature dropped, and everything is wet, and no one can be bothered to light a fire (which you can in the rain, you just have to know how (its still a pain though)) and the wind is blowing, and the ground is soggy and muddy and, and, and… it is your first time… Is Not Fun. Drunken fumbles in the back of a car are sheer unadulterated luxury in comparison.

Lets just say there where mistakes, and bumps, and things not as hard as they should be, and tears. It was a disaster really. Though I think we probably both deserved a tarnished bronze badge for dogged persistence. However, it is not a memory I look back at fondly with a twinkle in my eye. Well, OK, maybe with a laugh in my throat. It was kind of funny, in a car crash with a bouncy castle and clown sort of way. Thus was my first time.

Craft

2008-01-23T16:27:00.000Z

In life I view things I do with four goggles. Things I love, but that don’t love me. Things that I love, and love me back. Things that I don’t love, but love me. And things that I hate, and hate me back. The trick to a happy life is to recognise the first, and sadly avoid. Jump with both feet into the second. Be careful with the third. Such things can be good for you or at a minimum provide a necessity, but deserve kindness if you avoid. Stay away from the fourth with all your might.

This goes for all facets of life, but is particularly true for work. Many people work, I know, for money. The job loves you, but you hate it. Sometimes a necessity, but if you can swing it, find the job you love that loves you in return. Heaven on earth is work you honestly like doing, are good at, and pays well.

I consider myself fairly blessed to have that. With the exception of a period of time under a boss I actively hated, I’ve enjoyed my career. I think I do well at it, and its been pretty lucrative. To be honest, it wasn’t the career I thought I’d be in when I was at school. I saw myself in academia once I got over the boyish infatuation with being a farmer or a pilot or a fireman. I’d always intended to go back to it, but in my last year of university got a job offer that was a bit too good. Once in, I found I liked the work.

Still, I had a chance to change course. I just posted the story of that time in my life when I lost someone. That’s life changing in many ways. After it happened, I took stock. I went travelling for a year and decided what to do with my life. Being a logical sort I took some time with an industrial psychologist and delved into what I was good at, as well as what I was temperamentally suited to. Sure enough I’d ended in a profession that was good for me. It loved me, and I’d found I loved it. So, bar going back for a graduate degree to hone my skills, I’ve stayed where I was.

This is a long preamble to answer Z’s question, “If you were to learn a new craft or skill, what would it be? And do you think you actually will give it a go, or is it a pipe dream?”

That time also allowed me to explore other options. Things I’d both thought about, and a few I hadn’t. Other than staying in what I was doing, three other careers where laid out before me; academia, law, and architecture. All where things I’d thought about.

Law I rejected as at that point I was almost 30 and that’s a bit late to make that jump. It would have taken a good number of years to retrain before I even started out at the bottom rung. That left academia and architecture. The thing was, neither paid particularly well unless you where very very lucky. So, the logician in me said stay with what I do. Oddly enough, this grated a bit at the time, it seemed the easy choice and I never was fond of easy choices.

Yet I did, and to reference another question I have no real regrets about it. That choice brought me to London, which I love, allowed me to meet a new woman in my life, whom I love, and start a family, which I have no choice but to love absolutely. My life is just fine at the moment.

However, the way I dealt with not making the difficult choice was to very clearly set myself a goal. Do this career, the easy option, do it well and make a lot of money. Retire early and then switch tracks, go and do another thing I’d love. That is still the plan.

Assuming life carrys on as it is now, and I’ll get there. Things could go horribly wrong, life can’t be fully planned, but it could also go right. If it does, then sometime in my 50s I’ll step back. Walk away from the high powered career and do something completely different. I don’t know which I’ll chose yet, either retrain in architecture, or go back to uni and do a degree in something like history or philosophy. I’ll retire into gentle academia and the simple pleasure of learning for the sole benefit of learning. I may never actually design and build a building, or write the definitive history of something, but then again I just might. If I do, it will because I want to, not because I have to.

It is achievable, like any good goal should be, but not certain, like any good goal should be. We shall just have to see…

Question Time

2008-01-22T10:20:00.000Z

I was sitting, musing on what to post today and thought I haven't done this in a while. So, its time to re-open the Boy's Question Time. You can ask me anything, from the personal to the intellectual, the silly to the serious. No question too rude, no comment too impertinent. Ask and though shall be answered...

Marmal Aid

2008-01-21T09:36:00.000Z

I attempted my very first batch of marmalade yesterday. Something I've been promising I'd do from years on end. I vaguely remember doing it with my mum as a boy, but we only did it once, most other years we did strawberry jam (we lived in an area that grew fantastic strawberries (I can still taste them just thinking about it)). Memory not being sufficient, and my mum being unreachable at the moment, it meant returning to a recipe.

Mostly it turned out all right. I've got a got soft set of the jelly and nice soft rind. The taste is a small shade too bitter, but I was told while buying the Seville oranges that it had been a bad growing year and that might be the outcome. However, being the experimental cook I am, I want to get the base recipe perfected, then experiment. So, a few questions to the expert marmalade artists I know read me out there.

For those unfamiliar with the ancient making or marmalade, a brief description. The whole point of marmalade is the mix of bitter and sweet. Not all oranges are suitable. The orange judged best is the Seville orange, which is, frankly, not far off a lemon in terms of tartness. Legend has it Marmalade was discovered when a cask of Seville oranges fermented on the journey, and the resulting gloop was decided to be edible and delicious.

To make it, you need to extract the juices and pips from the orange, then slice up the rind. Oddly enough, the pips contain natural pectin, the chemical which makes the juice turn into a jelly. So, you put all the pips and membranes into a muslin sack, then boil it along with the sliced rinds and a lot of water for a couple hours. Intent is to reduce the water in the pan by quite a bit. You take out your muslin bag, add a whole lot of sugar, and boil the bejesus out of it. Pot the resulting glutenous loveliness and you have your Marmalade. I did all this, and like I said, it mostly worked, but I am left with quite a few questions.

Preparing the oranges. I tried a few methods, but which do you prefer, or do you have another way? I tried halving the oranges, juicing them, then cutting out the remaining pips and membranes. This seemed overly fussy, sooo... I tried quartering the oranges then cutting out the centre unjuiced. I then smashed the juices out of them and cut up the rind. Later, on talking to the Mother in Law, a long time marmalader, she cut the rind off a whole orange first, thus minimising the white pulp, then juiced the remainder.
Muslin seems very hard to get your hands on these days, so I used a brand new washing rag, which worked very well. Do you have proper muslin or use something else?
Do you boil the mixture after adding the sugar or not? If so, for how long. My recipe book said to boil for 15 minutes, the MiL said to not boil at all. I boiled just over 10 as the mix was pretty gelatinous. It seems to have set, but only just.
As mentioned, mine turned out perhaps a shade too bitter. Perfectly edible, but perhaps a shade too far. Do you have any methods for cutting the bitterness?

Many thanks in advance for any helpful comments!

Dark Days

2008-01-16T11:44:00.000Z

Have you ever held someone you love in your arms as they die? It is not an experience I would wish on my worst enemy.

I met J in my mid twenties. There was an instant chemistry, though we were from opposite sides of the tracks. I was the good boy from an old family, she grew up with a single mother living up in the North of Canada. She was older than me, had been married and divorced, and that rough girl background was all part and parcel of the attraction. I was the nice boy, safe, a harbour in stormy waters.

We both fell hard and fast in love, and within months were living together. We even bought a house together. Well, I paid for it as well as helping finance her florist shop. The first years where great, happy even. The differences though, did start to wear through. Looking back I can’t say if we would have stayed together or not, but something happened that locked me in. She fell ill, Chrohn's disease. For those that don’t know it, the disease is not generally life threatening, but its ugly, painful, even humiliating.

I couldn’t leave, wouldn’t be the one to walk out on someone in the midst of a harsh illness. The relationship went through a hard dark place. We both did things that hurt each other, things I am deeply ashamed of and was equally harmed by. Only people in love can really damage each other in quite that way.

Yet love can also win through. We talked, and one weekend went away. Off to another city to visit some friends. I can’t say what changed, but that weekend our relationship healed. She was still ill, but she reached out a hand and I took it. From despair I hoped, thought we could get through this.

We came back home both really happy. That Monday will forever stand out in my mind. J had a troubled love hate relationship with her own mother. They bickered in a way that was both shocking and amusing. Said mother was also a florist and had watched the shop over the weekend we went away. J came back and found her mother had raided the till. I can’t remember why, I might not have ever found out. All I knew is this, I came home from work and J was in a towering rage.

I knew how to deal with these, help her, talked her down, got her to the point where she laughed at a joke. We ate, cuddled in front of the TV, where back to happy. J was a night owl, I an early bird. Our pattern was that I’d go to bed, she’d come in and lay beside me as I fell asleep (sometimes more than lay beside me, but that’s what couples do). This time though, I remember it like it just happened. She jerked like she’d fallen asleep and then suddenly woken up. I laughed and hugged her, but she didn’t respond.

Sometimes you just know that something is wrong, know it deep in your bones. I can’t tell you how I knew, but I jumped up and turned on the lights knowing she’d had a stroke. Sure enough she looked up at me with one eye, but couldn’t move enough to sit up. Couldn’t really talk other than shout “No,” when I said I was calling an ambulance.

I ran to the phone, called an ambulance and threw on some cloths. It arrived in minutes, though it felt like hours. The two men confirmed to me what I thought out in the hall away from her, and bundled her off. I had to jump in my car and follow.

The next days are odd memories. Some crystal clear vignettes, but all jumbled up. I can’t exactly remember the order things happened in, and there are patches of time I can’t account for. I remember sitting in Casualty with her mother and brothers waiting for news, but I can’t remember calling them. I remember being told she was settled and well, but not being told the diagnosis. I remember sitting by her bedside after she’d been admitted and saying good night, but don’t remember going into the room.

I remember by Dad suddenly appearing, but don’t remember how he got there. Given at that point we lived an hours flight apart, that was quite the achievement. He’d dropped everything to be at my side. To me that still defines being a loving parent. Just being there.

I especially remember getting the call early in the morning saying she’d had a second stroke and having my dad physically remove me from the driving seat of the car so he could drive. I remember the waiting, the god awful waiting. We had to get moved because J’s mother was wailing and moaning and disturbing the other patients.

I remember the madness of watching her struggling to breath, unconscious, not there. I remember the sirens going off, the mad rush of people in green running around us, removing us from the room. Another stroke, a third, had hit.

And oh, I remember the doctor telling us she was gone, her brain was dead, that only the machines sustained her and please could they have the organs. I remember her mother and brothers turning to me to make the decision to turn the machines off, her mother saying she could never be the one to decide that.

I remember walking to her bedside, shadowed by my father but not her family. They couldn’t bear it they said, but I couldn’t bear not to. I couldn’t let her go alone into the dark. So I sat there, crying, holding her hand, holding her as her last breath left her lips, as her heart pumped one last time. I remember… her.

There was a time in my life when I compulsively told everyone I met this story. When the need to remove it from my brain with words was all consuming. Yet you live, you put one foot in front of another, and you go on. All around you people are there, showering you with love in their need to help. Showering you with their need to not be you.

I’ve always wondered if I could bear to write this, to post it to the world. So far I’ve always stepped back. You don’t actually heal from that sort of thing, but the pain does ebb. You live, you put one foot in front of another, and you go on. You find new joy in life, even new love. Life continues to have meaning and purpose.

So, there’s another out there who just lost the one she loved. She may or may not read this, but I write it for her. It helped me to once be taken aside and told just that. That you live, you put one foot in front of another, and you go on.

The saga continues

2008-01-14T12:07:00.000Z

But with a possibly adequate ending. We interviewed a new nanny over the weekend and I think she's going to work out just fine. She's a younger mother who's looking for a more flexible job She'll do the morning school run and afternoon pick up and child care, sometimes with her child, sometimes not. Otherwise during term time she only be at our house to do the basics in housekeeping.

We'll have to see how it goes, an extra child in the house should prove interesting, but I'm hopeful. She seems like a bright motivated woman, and keen on the job. Where else do you get decently paying work that still allows you to be a hands on mother? For us it means we get more flexible care, and someone who seems willing to keep the house in order as well as the kids.

Time will tell, but it seems to be working itself out.

Compasion vs Justive

2008-01-11T10:08:00.000Z

The two are not always synonymous. I've been following this case with interest since it was first reported. In short a Ghanaian woman, illegally in Britain, came down with bone marrow cancer while here. She has been under treatment receiving dialysis under the NHS, but full treatment would require a bone marrow transplant. Having determined she could receive this treatment in her home country, she has been deported. Britain covered the costs of transport home, and offered to cover the next three months of her treatment while she re-adjusted. She does not have the funds for any further treatment at home, and the likely outcome is that she will die.

Background is that she came here originally on a visitor visa, then tried to transfer to a student visa, but was unable to obtain a place in any training course due to poor English language skills. Her student visa was revoked on returning to Britain from a visit to Ghana. She does not contest to her being here illegally.

Clearly the compassionate thing to do would be to treat her. She is a widowed mother of two, her death will result in two orphans needing care (it is unclear from any reports where the children are). However, is it just? The simple truth is that we can not cure every ill person in the world. A bone marrow transplant is expensive, and also requires a donor. If she received it, another person would be delayed in getting the treatment, and possibly die. What of the compassion for them?

I struggle with this case, I really do. My heart tells me she should be treated, my brain says it is right she is now in her home country. What do you think?

Do no evil

2008-01-09T12:20:00.000Z

Time for a sermon children, a caution on the ills of our world. For those that have been known me for a while, you know I am on the inside of an industry that thirsts for knowledge of your person. Either at my finger tips, through my staff, or any of a number of acquaintances and business relationships I have access to pretty well all the commercial knowledge out there. From the littlest details I can find out a rather amazing array of information about you.

It really is quite astonishing, salaries, employers, addresses, hobbies, credit ratings, social status, purchase histories, even pschycographic profiles of what sort of person you are. Its all there, and not that hard to get at. Admittedly I'm inside the industry, but it doesn't take much to get access, any determined individual can go fish the see of data out there.

There are many culprits in this theft of privacy, but to me one of the most interesting is a small outfit called Google (next of course to our dear government, but that is a sermon for another day). They are amongst the most rapacious reapers of raw raw data. Curiously the two hip gentlemen who founded the company gave it a motto of "Do no evil". I can only think they have a very odd definition of what is evil.

For example, do you have the Google toolbar installed on your web browser? Not sure? Look up, is there a long bar on the header with various buttons and the google logo? Many people find this a very useful tool, and indeed it is well designed with lots of clever functions. Did you know though, that even when you don't actively use it, all of your web activity is sent in small packets to one of a number of rather massive data centres dotting the globe? Against your identifier all the web pages you've visited, all the ecommerce you've done is stored away. They don't pry into your finances, no, none of that, but they do know everything you've done.

The same goes for any of the google pages itself, plus blogger, plus YouTube, plus plus plus. Every little click you make, every thing you do is tracked and stored away.

To be fair to google, they did ask your permission to do this. Its all tucked away in the terms and conditions. Also, at the moment, they actually don't do much with this massive mountain of data. Yet.

There are plans though. Ad words already targets based on content of the page, and some basic knowledge of the viewer. Google just bought a small company called DoubleClick last year. This little firm handles a vast majority of the on line advertising (you know, those annoying banners and boxes that flash and sing to you). Work is deeply underway to merge the workings so that advertising will become every more targeted and specific.

This is no easy thing, the amount of data is huge, truly massive, but technology is moving apace. And all of those details, all of those facts will be mined to figure out just what sort of person you are, and just what you'd like to buy.

So, maybe it will be useful to you. But maybe, just maybe you don't like it. It is, admittedly, hard to stop, deleting the tool bar will help, but its easy to track one on the web. Not storing cookies on your PC will help, but some websites just don't work well without them (try deleting your blogger cookie some day). Its hard to stay private on the web, very very hard.

Try though people, do try. I really don't want to know as much about you as I do. I'd far rather have you tell me in person, than mine and inviggle my way through your information history. We should have some privacy in the world, but we must also take responsibility for guarding it. So do, please. Watch what you do and which websites you visit. Take care of your data, because no one else will.

Thus endeth the day's lesson.

Of Birthdays and Households

2008-01-07T10:47:00.000Z

Ali Baba had a fine fine weekend. Saturday was his actual 7th b-day and he ordered spaghetti and lots of Pokemon on the telly. He was a happy boy, and his sibling's went along for the ride. His birthday party was to take a bunch of friends for bowling and pizza. Go figure, but whatever makes him happy. It was actually a good event. 13 boys under the age of 8, all having a hoot throwing balls and arguing about the scores. Boys are boys. Pizza and ice cream were a perfectly acceptable finish, though we did have to intervene to stop a food fight. Today is the first day back at school for all three, so post holiday normality begins to resume.

The process of finding a new housekeeper has begun. LL, as expected was not surprised, and not exactly unhappy. The relationship had not broken, but had been deteriorating. SN says she's changing because, having looked at all her options, she wants to stay nannying, but misses taking care of a baby. Clearly a shift towards either part time work, or taking on more housekeeping just wasn't what she wanted. I suspect the tension between her and LL was part of it, but she's being good and not making that vocal. It means we can all part good company.

That's all I'm wanting. SN still does babysitting for her previous family, she spends quite a bit of time with those kids. I'm hoping she'll do the same with ours. I don't think the boys will be too upset, but Princess will be. We haven't told them yet. In a way, that's the toughest bit.

I've now been in touch with various agencies. Its a tricky transition. Finding a "live out" nanny (one who has her own accomidation), is fairly straightforward. Finding one that's willing to take on the odder position of kids at school is harder. Most housekeepers are "live in" (you have to provide a place to live in your home). Its not our first choice, though our house is a good size, we don't have a separate flat, so they would be actually living with us. That could work well or horribly.

Other options are finding a woman in the village wanting a part day job. There may be a someone like that, and we're carefully feeling a few people out. Its delicate, because you don't want to insult anyone by implying they are "staff" rather than "friend". Our society has become so odd about domestic positions.

Going down the childcare route just isn't going to work. We've talking it through to death, and we just don't have jobs with regular enough hours. Having to be in early and often stay late means we need to know the kids are in good hands. Clock watching just doesn't work. I know many families struggle through with this, but thankfully we're just that bit better off to be able to look at the more flexible options.

So, we'll see. The clock has started to tick, and though SN will be flexible if we have trouble finding someone, at the end its inevitable she'll look to her own career if we take too long. Sad, but true.

Now, in closing, a quick poll. Amongst our friends we are quite unusual in home baking birthday cakes. I have an opinion on what's going on in society, but I'll keep it to myself at the moment. If you have kids, I'm curious, do you bake or buy birthday cakes and why do you go down the route you do? Until next time...

A week ending

2008-01-04T13:47:00.000Z

I could get used to these three day weeks. I've been very tired this week, having to recover from my holiday. Perhaps worry about my family has had a factor in the exhaustion as well. Still, its back to the weekend.

Its Ali Baba's birthday this weekend. We've got a bowling party lined up with 16 of his nearest and dearest friends. We keep wondering when the party's will drop down to reasonable sizes, but then get all soft when he keeps wanting to invites someone else. I like that he has so many friends he wants to invite. A bowling party is fairly easy too. All we have to organize is baking a cake, they'll be having pizza afterwards, so even that is easy.

Our nanny called me up this afternoon in tears. She wants to move on. The half housekeeper / half nanny just didn't feel right to her. I suspect some of the tension with LL is playing a factor in all this, but we did know that the move from a little one at home all the time to three in school might not work. Her biggest worry was my not thinking she was being disloyal. She doesn't have a new job yet, so we can figure out together what the transition will be like.

Now we have to figure out what's next. Ideally we hire a housekeeper who's willing to do school runs and afternoons with the kids. The trick is going to be finding someone like that. They are supposed to exist! The weekend will be spent talking it all through, as well as sorting out a young boy's party.

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T11:01:00.000Z

Certain members in my family are watched over by a guardian angel. Amazingly I am one, the other is my mother. This holiday just proved it again. It was, despite my pre-holiday gloom, pretty good. We had a really relaxing happy time staying with my brother in law. All the kids just got along famously. The house is pretty big, and they just rambled about playing together or alone as the mood suited. There were almost no arguments and only a couple strops.

We ate a lot of good food. Very good food, and some rather nice alcohol. Take Xmas dinner. This kind of defines how my in laws get along in the world. Everything is from someone known, a friend or family. The starter was smoked salmon from an old family friend up in Scotland on brown bread done by my modest self. This was begun with a champagne shipped over by an Uncle living in France, and finished with a tasty French Vin de Table supplied by moi (the French sometimes do themselves injustice by calling the absolute best wines Vin de Table (an old appellation system doesn’t keep up with the times (but it means I can get fantastic wines for a snip so I don’t complain much))).

The main was a pair of gooses from the farm down the road. Stuffed with Chestnuts from our tree and Rosemary from the garden. Along with this is sprouts from the garden, braised red cabbage (old family recipe, you cook it in the oven with apple cider, cooking apples, sultanas and bacon), roasted potatoes and parsnips, bread sauce and giblet gravy. This was served with a Chilean red, 9 years old, but done by those peasants the Rothchilds, absolute yum).

First pudding is Christmas pud (made by an Aunty) with brandy butter (made by my BIL, very alcoholic). Second pudding is Chocolates. Washed down with 14 year old Tokaji. Then a cheese course with a 38 year old Port, and once the kids are rounded up and put to bed, a 38 year old Amagnac. Filter in a day long even of present opening with a trip to Church and it was a very very good day. There were also no arguments. Every one, even the other brother in law who is usually miserable and argumentative, kept the peace. A nice nice day.

So it was a fine fine Christmas with happy children and happier adults. We played tag in a gale in a mountain top, went swimming, road horses, played various family games and generally relaxed. It was just a good week.

But not perfect. Back to the guardian angel. Boxing day I get an email from one of my sisters. My mother had a stroke. Talk about your heart dropping down to your feet. This is so not what she needed. Years on from the car accident and she’d been well on the road to independence. She’s a fighter, albeit a happy one, and life was looking good. What a disaster.

Yet that angel held back the worst. A week on and despite having been found paralysed down her left hand side (which means a right brain stroke so no speech impediment), she’s regained used of her left arm and can now take her weight and walk short distances. That’s a remarkable recovery.

On top of that two Aunts got hospitalised, one for a heart dysfunction, the other with a horrid virus. So I had a great holiday personally, but the news that kept coming in was not good.

Then, just yesterday I needed intervention from that angel. I was up the ladder cleaning the gutters when the ladder slid out from under me. Fool that I was I just got on with it without a spotter. Won’t make that mistake again. I fell a full story. Despite (or perhaps because of) destroying a small Olive tree and another pot I walked away. I’ve broken nothing (other than my pride for being an idiot). Bruises are the worst I’ve had, despite accident after accident, I've never broken a bone. I'm covered in scars, but that's it, just scars. That's what I mean about a Guardian Angel. Bad things happen, but not so bad. You get up, you walk on, you find the good in life.

Really, I can’t complain. It was a good holiday and though there were some worries, it was good. So tell me, how was yours? Are you rested and jolly?

Joyeux Noel

2007-12-21T10:35:00.000Z

Its my last day of work, then off until the new year. I won't be blogging so this last post of the year may ramble and rumble a bit as I muse. For the most part, its been a good year. LL, despite the frantic global markets, is feeling valued and enjoying her job. The kids are all happy and settled at school. I'm now well into the new job, and even with the inevitable surprises am really looking forward to next year. I'm about to have a week off traveling up to spend with my Brother in Law and family. Their kids are only a bit older than ours, and they all get along famously.

Yet, heading into the holidays I have this nagging feeling of trepidation. My wife's family all have fairly volatile tempers. This risk of family argument is high. Though I know well enough to stay nice and clear, there is always fall out. Kids to re-assure, a wife depressed or in a state of high dudgeon to watch for. From history, if it explodes it takes a couple days to calm back down. Its low risk this year, LL gets on very well with her Brother, and her parents will not be with us full time. The siblings with whom tempers run high will only be about a little. Yet the egg shells are still there.

It looks like we've found a builder to work with on the extension. We're going with a smaller independent team, and will effectively be acting as prime contractor ourselves. So, instead of having one big firm to have one contract we'll have to be more closely involved. That's not necessarily a bad thing, its up to us to keep costs in line, and the lead project manager we're engaging come very highly recommended. It just does mean there will be a bit more stress and bother to live with.

LL and our Nanny seem to have hit a rocky patch. NativityGate was a symptom of a broader issue brewing. In many ways our Nanny is good. She works long hours without complaint, she's picked up extra duties now all three kids are in school, and mostly remains cheerful and helpful. However, there is an undercurrent going on between her and LL. LL sometimes feels got at, like she's at fault on a host of little things, real or not. On the reverse, my dear wife has a long standing tendency to tell rather than ask. From personal experience, this can grate emotionally, and build up.

I have to find a way to defuse this, lay the ground work for a change, or there's going to be train wreck with hard feelings on all sides. It fills me with dread, because reconciling two strong willed women is no easy task. I also, personally don't want to loose her. However, I'm secondary in this relationship. Mother and Nanny have to work together and get along, if that relationship is broken, its broken. We have to be fair and reasonable, but if it ends in a change, it ends in a change. I just hope I can dig into it enough to get them both happy again.

There's also a cold wind economically blowing. Though I don't think either of LL or my job's are at risk, the one certain thing in employment is no thing is certain. We're OK financially, if one of us lost a job, we could batten down and not make huge changes. I'd just rather not have to go down that road, so its time to keep a close ear to the ground.

All those are worries, they are balanced by much hope and joy. The year, with luck and a little hard work, could turn out fantastically. In the end, living a life full and happy is the best one can hope for. My chances of that a very good indeed. Rough winds are blowing true, but I'm a good captain. The chance of making it to port is pretty damn good.

So, from this boy and his family to all of you. May the winds in your life blow gently and true. If a gale springs up in your life, may you find the strength and courage to navigate through it. Always remember, that in the end, life is good. You sometimes have to search hard for that, but never let yourself forget. Life is good.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone.

Gloria in Excelsis

2007-12-18T13:40:00.000Z

Our parish church is one of my favourite spaces. Its not grand, or opulent or well known. In fact its rather simple. Plain stone exterior, whitewashed walls inside. The ceiling inside is basic oak beams and unadorned panels.

What it is, is old. Christ has been worshiped here since the 600s. The walls of the Lady's chapel date to Norman times. There have been extensions and extrusions since. Its had a number of fires, was bombed by the Germans, has been hit by lightening. Little of the furniture and fittings are aged (other than the stone baptismal font, which is very very ancient (all three kids where baptised in it)). Much is refitted and fixed.

Yet for all that it is a place that you walk into and relax. It has a peace about it that is hard to define. We aren't weekly parishioners, just do the high days and holidays. That doesn't stop me loving it.

Last night was one of my favourite services. It was the annual carol concert. The vicar organises it around 9 readings. All of the old carols are done. But its a bit more than that too.

For reasons I've never inquired too deeply about we have a... uhmm... sort of good organist. Why he isn't at one of the cathedrals I really don't know. I think it has a bit to do with the organ. Its only decades old. The ancient one didn't survive the Germans. We're a fairly well off parish you see, so the fund raising was pretty successful, therefor its a rather special organ. The church also has quite stunning acoustics. I think it all suites him. He teaches with the Royal College you see, and it is his personal duty to "have" a church I think.

Also, we have lots of old choristers living about, plus some of his students. At Christmas, for this service, they all come out of the woodwork. So, this is one of the times of the year when the master gets to play. Both modern and ancient are done, and there must always be a Vaughn Williams (he was local).

It rocks... Literally. That organ thrums through your body, and those voices fill the space in a way that you feel as much as hear. I love to sing, but don't at this point in my life have the time to do much (other than warbling at and with the kids (who warble back (we're a noisy household))). Last night I got to join in with some of the best, and listen to them too. Today I'm just content.

Visits

2007-12-17T10:39:00.001Z

Have had the in laws down for a visit. They wanted to see the kids in the various xmas spectaculars. It was a thankfully easy visit. LL and her mother don't always get along nicely, but this time was OK. I always get along with my father in law, so it was good to see him again.

Princess had her play on Friday. She was a firework and performed brilliantly though sadly her ability to carry a tune doesn't quite keep up to enthusiasm. She does keep the beat though and I think we've got a dancer on our hands. It was all pretty cute.

Pirate Pete went off to his first Cub Camp this weekend. He's had a couple of sleep overs with Friends but this felt different. I felt quite emotional when I dropped him off. He, of course, was more interested in the football card trading. At pick up he was very tired, but seemed to have had a good time. He was a bit emotional later though, so the tired was very very tired.

All in all a nice weekend though.

I bring you good tidings

2007-12-14T08:36:00.000Z

OK, a little hint into the boys life, not that it narrows him down much. The boys go to a Cathedral School. That means the school provides boy choristers. Ours don't, its a big commitment, and if I'm honest neither have naturally talented voices this requires. What it does mean though, is that they go to a school infused with music. So, the school has access to the Cathedral Choir Master, and also has a Head of Music as well as a mix of full time and part time music teachers. There's a choir, an orchestra (which Pirate Pete does do) and a whole host of smaller music groups.

It also means that at Christmas time the school gets to have a Carol Service at the Cathedral. Its apparently one of the most popular services of the year. Certainly the times we've been its been standing room only, and this is a big space. Its a funny building, I think qualifying as the only Arts and Crafts Cathedral in the country. The exterior is odd, tall unadorned brick walls, but the interior is glorious. Its all pure white local limestone, unadorned but beautifully built.

It also has good acoustics. So, when you have 150 boys processing in, all performing a Latin chant, it sent shivers up my spine. It was a piece for nun's, hence written for soprano and alto voices. Just stunning. There was then a mix of the boys doing readings of poetry (each class chose or wrote a piece), and both traditional and modern carols. What a confidence booster for the boys that get up and read a piece to over a thousand people? The music was grand too. The Head of Music is rather multitalented, so a number where pieces he had arranged. All in all it was a very enjoyable hour.

After that we went home, and the service marks the end of term for the boys. Pirate Pete thus brought home his report card. At the risk of yet again being nauseatingly proud, it was a good one. He was particularly proud of his best mark, which was an outstanding in sports. The fact he also did well in maths, science and history was just icing on his pleasure in being seen to be good on the fields... Boys, you got to love them.

Madness

2007-12-13T12:46:00.000Z

This study today, showing that social mobility in Britain are likely the lowest in the developed world. Combine it with another study showing that a lack of intimacy and love in very early years leads to a lack of development in the frontal lobes leading to well... poorer later learning ability (amongst other things). Final statistic is that a child in a lower class home is surrounded by a vocabulary of about 600 words as opposed to about 1200 in a professional middle class home.

What are we doing to this generation? Pretty clearly how a child is raised in the formative early years predetermines how he will succeed in later life. Just how do you correct that? How do you influence parenting in adults who very likely where pretty poorly parented themselves?

We have to break the cycle, must break it else it will never improve. The "suppernanny" idea scares me somewhat (for those in the US, there is a current Government plan to involve parenting trained social workers into high involvement with low income families, particularly in the first year post birth). The thought of direct social engineering intrusion into the home is repugnant. Yet how else do we bring best practice skills into people who've never experienced them.

I don't have any answers here, but clearly we've got an issue that as a society we need to debate.

Nativity

2007-12-11T16:05:00.000Z

Funny the things that cause domestic conflict. This Friday is my Princess' first nativity play. She is a firework, and has been excitedly practicing her dances and songs. However, her school has decreed that only 2 family members can attend. To be fair, they do have a small auditorium, but this is excessive.

My in-laws will be down visiting, plus the boys will be off school, and we have a proud nanny to contend with. I'm currently out of the country, so last night I got a hot blast in the ear down the phone line. It appears our nanny has declared UDI, and will be going to the Nativity. She feels the grandparents can babysit the boys, and one of us is always working so what's the bother?

This did not go down well with my dear LL. We'd both been looking to take the day off, as we do always try to have both of us there for these things. LL was going to have a go at the school to make sure we could arrive with a little more than 2, but I suspect muggins here will have to take care of the boys to keep family peace. I'd really love to see my Princess do her dances and songs, but harmony between my wife and nanny is of far greater importance.

Besides, I'm sure I can request a private performance...

PS, back in the UK shortly, so somehow will catch up on all this blogging that's been going on...

Just one of those weeks

2007-12-06T09:19:00.000Z

So, I was travelling Monday night, home very late Tuesday night due to BA, Last night I attempt to get home early, am thwarted by rain and slow trains, find the kids asleep and LL doing one of her rare late nights at work.

At least tomorrow I'm staying home to see Ali Baba's Christmas play. He has a lead part as an Ofstead School inspector, and how that relates to Christmas I'm very intrigued to find out. This weekend is social too with some friends coming over, so all is not desperate yet.

What does get me is blogging. I don't blog at the weekends, that's family time. Not usually a problem as all you lot don't blog much then either, so there's no major catch up Monday morning. Yet I find it hard to blog when I'm travelling, too much going on and often poor internet access. So I came back yesterday to find my blog role filled with posts! I can't catch up. Falling behind is such a chore, and this shouldn't be a chore. I'll catch up somehow, I'm sure I will, but just how do we keep this fun rather than work?

Why I hate commuting, Reason 2,345

2007-12-05T10:39:00.000Z

OK, so I'm not sure flying to Milan counts as commuting, but its work related, so the title stands.

I don't know what's going on with BA at the moment, but they seem in real disarray. I haven't had a flight with them in the past four months where something hasn't gone wrong. I've been downgraded, had a flight canceled, and have had stupid delay after stupid delay. I don't mean the unavoidable Heathrow pileups (which are inevitable), but weird things.

Take yesterday, the flight boards on time but an embarrassed sounding Captain came on and said the luggage loader had burst a hydrolic pipe and spilled oil all over the tarmac. Sure enough, out the window, it was a BA branded device. That meant waiting for it to be cleaned up, and for us to be towed before he could start the engines.

Which then meant we missed our take off slot, therefor our Heathrow Landing slot, and we had a 40 minute delay until we got a new one. Once over London, there was the usual wait to land, then once we landed a delay until they could find us a parking slot. Once we got to the parking slot the very embarrassed captain came on yet again to say he could move into the parking slot until someone turned off the "do not enter" transponder. It was also a tarmac spot, which meant being bused into the terminal.

All in all, a one and a half hour delay on the flight. Over the past four months I figure I've lost over 25 hours to flight delays, a whole day just sat in an airplane or airport not doing very much at all. Time that I could have had at home or in the office.

I'm not very happy with BA at the moment...

How the other half lives...

2007-11-30T16:36:00.000Z

With the exception of a very small handful of individuals (The Queen, Bill Gates, Roman Abromivitch, etc) everyone has someone who is wealthier, better off, more powerful, etc., etc. Good healthy psyches aren't particularly bothered by this. If you enjoy your life, what matter what others have?

I know I live a fairly blessed life, and on the whole quite enjoy it. Just occasionally though I come across someone, or a circumstance, and just have to think what it would be like if... We went to dinner with LL's boss last night. Oddly, in terms of influence and authority I would weigh myself against him and come out rather well. He though, is in a highly affluent business (as is indeed my darling wife). He's been at it a while, and has done rather nicely.

Their house is nice, a bit larger than ours, but nothing that set me thinking. In fact given where it is I wouldn't want to live there (they share a lane with wealthy footballers). His children were no better nor worse than mine. His wife, though very pleasant, did not attract me in any shape or form as much as my own LL does.

Yet he started talking about the Chalet in Verbier... They are well off enough not to have to rent it out. They have a full time housekeeper there, who does double duty living with them in the off season months. Indeed she had cooked the dinner we ate, and would be heading back to Verbier next week as the snow was finally falling. When the go out it is with nanny (who also skis), so they get nicely taken care of. Its walking distance to the lifts, surrounded by good restaurants. In winter and summer they go out most weekends, and will spend Christmas and Easter there.

Not bad, not bad at all. My life will be no less fulfilling if I never have a Chalet in Verbier, but... I just couldn't help thinking that such a thing would be very nice indeed.

Health and Sanity

2007-11-29T16:51:00.000Z

I went to some bits of a conference today(technology procurement, tres chic and oh so exciting). To my complete and utter astonishment a very nice lady stood up at the start of each session and did an airplanesque diatribe on where the exits where in case of a fire, how they would be announced and who to approach in case of a first aid requirement. I kept expecting her to pull out a life vest and mime how to blow it up (which I always find rather amusing).

Has the world gone completely mad? Do we really need to be told to exit through the doors with the glowing green running man in an orderly fashion in case of an emergency? Its bad enough getting it on and aircraft, does it honestly need to be done in a hotel conference room?

Oh, and did you know that a red "Exit" sign is no longer legal? The EU has decreed emergency exits must have independently powered pictographs of a running man who glows green. I despair some days, I really do.

Why I hate commuting, Reason 2,344

2007-11-27T10:04:00.000Z

So, with the change of jobs I'm trying out commuting from a different train station. It literally saves a couple of grand a year, and is a bit closer to home, but is less flexible. The trains are only every half an hour instead of every 10 minutes. To catch the train that gets me into the office at the same time I have to be just that bit mor dilligent getting out the door. This morning I chatted with SN a bit as she arrived, and therefor drove into the parking lot just as the train was leaving. This left me cooling my heels on the platform for a half hour.

I love my job, and I love my family, but boy, if I could get rid of the bit in between wasting time out of my day I'd be a deleriously happy man...

A small moral dilemma

2007-11-26T09:28:00.000Z

A non dilema to start. Friday had me meeting the lovely Z. She is as delightful in person as in print. These bloggy friendships are funny things, on meeting someone for the first time you know so much about them. Makes for easy conversation though!

On to the dilemma. We had some friends over for lunch on Sunday. Our kids had been at the same school until we moved ours away, and this was a first attempt to keep the relationship going. All in all it went well. The conversation flowed easily (as did the wine), the kids played well together.

We went for a walk, and their two year old daughter threw a bit of a wobbly. It wasn't a problem, just amused me that we were thankfully passed that stage. The day felt like a good one.

Just one small problem that we found out later. Their oldest daughter (aged six) had raided the boy's sweety stash. When I say raided I mean scoffed down the lot. These are the ones they buy with their own pocket money. They're really good about their sweeties, and can make a roll of wine gums last weeks only having one or two a day.

The boys were understandably upset and we promised to replace them. That cheered them up a bit as it means a whole role for a half finished one. The small child moral outrage is a bit harder to answer, but in a way its a good life leason. Even nice people do wrong things sometimes. The conversation with the kids was a good one.

The problem is what do we do about it outside the family? If one of ours did something like that, and we were told it would be hugely embaressing, but I'd be grateful. Problem is, not every parent reacts the same way. We'd like to see this family again and mentioning something small like this could stop the friendship cold. It could be perceived as being petty and spiteful at worst, at best the embaressment could many any future get togethers awkward.

What a shame, what a shame, and what to do, what to do...

Aural bliss

2007-11-23T10:49:00.000Z

OK, enough hard on posting this week. Time for a bit of indulgent irrelevance. I used to have a pair of Bose sound reduction headphones (the first generation). I loved them, good sound quality and the ability to cut background noise was astonishing. However, I managed to leave them in a hotel, and even though I called the hotel a half hour after checking out from the taxi I was informed that "Absolutely not Mr. Boy, our staff have checked the room thoroughly and there is nothing there." Code speak for, "Yes we checked the room, and our cleaning staff thank you for the unexpected tip."

After much argument with the hotel from myself and my insurance company I got the pay out. For penance in being so bloody stupid I did not replace them. I've been working my way through many lesser ear buds and other small aural devices. They are less bulky, you do look a bit of a dweeb walking around with full headphones. Yet I've appearently got funny ears, and I've yet to find a pair that sits comfortably in my ears. The quality is never very good either, despite my trying some reasonably high end ones.

As I'm back travelling a lot I decided it was time to go back to some proper headphones. I was tempted to just replace with Bose, having enjoyed my previous pair so much. They are ruddy expensive though. Bose has almost a monopoly on high end sound reducing phones in the public mind and prices accordingly. Still I did my research and decided to risk something else.

I bought a pair of Audio-Technica ATH-ANC7 headphones. They are half the price of the Bose and have some excellent reviews. The risk paid off. These are truely excellent head phones. The sound quality is crystal clear. I borrowed a friend's Bose to compare, and there is a remarkable difference. Don't get me wrong, the Bose are still very good, but the A-T phones have been built by Japanese audiophiles.

The Bose have a softer sound, with an arguably better base range, but the A-T are crystal clear. Its the difference between listening to your music in a well padded and comfortable living room and in a concert hall. The Bose have a soft easy sound, gentle on the ear. The A-T are crisp, you get every nuiance of the recording. That's unforgiving in a poor recording, but very few pieces are badly produced these days. I have some old Classical recordings that you get some old hiss and scratch from on the A-T that you don't on the Bose, but I don't mind that.

I love Glenn Gould, and if you've ever heard his recordings off a good sound system you hear him humming and singing to the piano in the background. That just makes the music more real for me. I really love these phones.

They're not just for planes and trains. They cut out a fair bit of background noise in the city, yet let enough voice through to know when you're being talked to. They are also good for the home. In my house we have a noisy boiler, and these cut out that background that I had forgotten I'd learned to tune out. Highly recommended, though you'll still look like a dweeb walking down the street...

Conviction

2007-11-22T09:35:00.000Z

Martin commented on one aspect, Dandelion another. As I wander through the blogsphere it seems many are waking up to faces of what our government has been up to. In New Labour we have a government of conviction. You can say that is no bad thing, but the problem with conviction is it rejects compromise. It knows better than convention and other wisdom and treads a path it knows is right. Sometimes that is necessary, only conviction can oppose conviction.

The problem is conviction doesn’t sit well with a modern democracy. Ours is a style of government based on checks and balances, on old old ways of doing things that ensure a middle road is walked, that safe routes are taken. It takes time, it compromises, it listens to opposing view points and incorporates bits and pieces. Both have their place. Conviction wrote the US constitution that is a thing of beauty. Compromise wrote the EU constitution that is a monster that destroys what it attempts to protect.

However, at the moment, we have had a government of conviction. It has alternatively tramped wholesale through opposition, then weddled and whined and spun to try to convince. It is a government that gets confused that “the people” don’t actually believe as it does, and as a result occasionally jerks in reaction to opinion with disastrous consequence.

One of the things that has scared me the most about our current government is its conviction that it has the mandate to change, well, anything. The British constitution, in a way completely different to the US one, is a thing of beauty. It is a combination of lore, precident, ancient and modern. It has given us centuries of stable safe government. It has enshrined the rights of the individual with balance and justice. Yet our current government believes it can change this constitution as it knows better.

Let me outline just a few of the changes this government has wrought:

Acceptance of a charter of rights and freedoms that gives the power to an external appointed body to review and judge our laws. Like the EU Constitution, the EU Charter of Rights and Freedoms is a document of comprimse. It tries to enshrine things that have no right to be enshrined along with those that do. Worse, it hands over ultimate appeal to a body that is not part of our body of government, is outside our control.
Implementation of a new Supreme Court. This is a radical change to our judiciary that seems to have gone completely unnoticed. It may be no bad thing, having the judiciary sit in the house of lords was an anocronism from older times. Yet… it worked, and worked well. There was no need to change it, and the debate was confined to a small portion of the political class with no real public notice. It is a fundamental change of our constitution, and it just happened because someone of conviction thought it aught.
Multiple attempts at reform of the House of Lords. Now, personally I agree that heredity should not give an individual a superior and automatic position in our law making. But, our Parliament works, it generally provides a good set of checks and balances, and the House of Lords has been highly effective in ensuring law is well thought out and challenged before approval. Labour believes it has to change, but has neither consulted, nor presented a clearly constructed view of what it should be. If anything needed a referendum, reform of the House of Lords is one. Making it elected radically changes our law making, keeping it fully appointed needs a transparency there isn’t at the moment.
Habeus Corpus has effectively been suspended. You can now be held in detention for 28 days without recourse. The government is trying to extend this. Brought in under terrorist legislation, and with some checks and balances, all that happens in secret and the "suspect" need not be informed. This is scary scary stuff, far more harsh than any of the other great democracies.
The right to no further trials if aquited has been abandoned. If "new evidence" is unearthed you can be sent to trial a second time. The principle sounds fair, but the rule was there as one of the fundamental corner stones of personal freedom. The Damilola Taylor case is a prime example. Though the defendents might be guilty as charged, that have had a trial and where aquited. They've now been through multiple trials, all which have failed. It is a form of harasment, and the original law was there to protect us.
The right of free association has effectively been suspended. You can not organise a public event without police involvement, and there are certain areas of our country (like outside parliament) where protest is disallowed.
What constitutes a "hate crime" is being expanded and expanded. There is legislation going forward this parliament to include gays. Now, this is a really weird one, but again attacks a fundamental principle. If we are all equal under the law, then that is it. Everyone deserves the same protection as well as the same prosecution for wrong doing. That is not longer true, if you combine hate laws with the EU charter of rights and freedoms we are now an unequal society legally.
There is a vast centralisation of personal data. This is a tricky one, as this is allowed by technology, and has not been foreseen by previous generations. Yet our unwritten constitution does provide us rights in this regard, as does the body of law. We “own” our own data, that is unquestioned. We must have a say in who it is given to our how it is used. Yet we don’t anymore. Centralisation allows abuse. This area covers a host of sin, the (mandatory) National Identification System, the (mandatory) NHS Health Database, the (mandatory) Central Revenue Database, the (almost mandatory) Police DNA database (if your DNA is collected for any reason it is added, law abiding or no), the (mandatory) centralisation of the Electoral Roll. This just names the well known ones, there are countless more In each case it allows the intimate details of our lives to be viewed and looked at by pretty well anyone. The laws around each of these allow pretty well every aspect of government the ability to look at anything. Quite seriously, local government officials can query just about any one of those databases for just about any reason.

So children, without quite realising, like the boiling of a frog, the body of law around us has radically changed. Radically. We have sleep walked into a state where what we believe to be our personal rights and freedoms are not really there any more. The term “Nanny State” is used humorously, but is none the less true. We do not have the control of our lives we thought we did.

Be afraid children, be very afraid. Conviction has brought us to a point where conviction may yet again have to rise to fight it. Freedom must be earned…

Annoyance

2007-11-20T09:47:00.001Z

The so perfect job is not always so perfect. I was asked to lie yesterday. It wasn’t a big lie, just come up with an excuse not to take a certain meeting. We’re an operating company under a very small holding company. This creates odd politics as who is really in charge? My boss for the most part gets along well with his boss who runs the holding company (I don’t have a counterpart there).

Yet this meeting was with my boss’ boss and a few others. For various political reasons I was asked to dodge it, and lie about why to avoid a fight between my boss and his boss. So I gritted my teeth and did it. I didn’t like doing it, and it cost me political capital to look so disorganised as to miss it.

Such is life however, you occasionally have to recognise where your bread is buttered. In the scheme of things it wasn’t a big request, but it still sticks in the back of my throat.

Perfection

2007-11-19T09:53:00.000Z

It made me laugh, but a commenter the other day said she had come to the conclusion that my blog probably couldn’t be made up. With tongue thoroughly in cheek she said that just maybe, perhaps this man with perfect wife, perfect children in a perfect house was happening.

After making me laugh, it also made me think. Was I publishing too glowing a view of my life? Lord knows this life from the inside is far from perfect. Far far from perfect. However, I am naturally a half glass full type of person. My personality was firmly inherited from my mother. Yet… life is good right now. I’m in a job that I’m enjoying hugely, my wife is also happy in her career at the moment. Our problems with the house are more figuring out what next to do with it, rather than, well problems. The kids are all in a happy place mentally, and doing well at what they put there hands to. Life is not perfect, but, right now, it is good.

It hasn’t always been so. Oddly enough I started blogging after an absolutely helacious year. I’d changed jobs after spending two years working for what I can only describe as a professional bully. He took actual delight in belittling people. LL was equally hating her job. It would take a long time to fully describe, but as a woman working in a predominantly male career (financial trading), she had pretty clearly experienced subtle but persistent sexual discrimination.

Perhaps not too surprisingly our relationship suffered. At the time I actually thought we were close to a breaking point. My LL has a firery personality at the best of times, and she can criticise and attack when feeling knocked back. If I’m honest, my reaction was to withhold affection. We where in a relationship death spiral.

We had just earlier in the year completed 18 months of repair work on the house to correct a really serious water leak that every effort seemed to fail to find. Our builder had gone bankrupt without telling us, and needless to say the relationship him wasn’t good.

To top if off, my parents where in a car accident and both where hospitalised for months, my mother recovered but with brain damage, my father died.

It was one of those times in life when it feels like the walls are falling in. I wasn’t blogging at the time, and I’m not at all sure I could have. Maybe it would have helped, but when there’s that much pain around in your life your whole focus is on just carrying on.

Yet the coin turned. I changed jobs, we got the house sorted and the builder out the door. Oddly enough LL and I made a breakthrough while out visiting my parents. We started to talk, and the relationship healed. Which is a very good thing, as it meant I had a supportive spouse while my parents where in the hospital (they had the car crash a week after we visited).

There’s not much of a moral in this story, its just an aspect of life. Right now, for me, life is good. It was not always that way, and I rather expect some darkness may yet hit me in the future. When it does, I’ll survive, because you do, don’t you? If you don’t you miss the good bits, like life is right now. And the right nows are so very worth it.

Stop reading now

2007-11-19T09:51:00.000Z

I promised myself I wasn’t going to go on so much about my kids, but hey, its my blog and I can brag if I want to. If endless self congratulation about one’s children bores you, please stop reading now.

We went up to the British Museum yesterday to do the Terracotta Warriors. Being a tad hopeful, we went up early to see if we could tempt the kids with some of the more interesting galleries. Well, it worked in spades. We had an afternoon of drifting from exhibit to exhibit, the kids often scampering ahead to see what delight was next. I was so pleased with Ali Baba, who’s just kind of cracked the reading thing. You know, that stage when they go from laboriously working out each word to suddenly getting it and reading. I lost count of the number of times he’d haul me over to tell me excitedly that this was a “Hand Carved Ivory Pen Case. Its fancy, but just like I have for school isn’t it daddy?”

Princess was enthralled with the gold sparkly things, but even her older brother was indulgent enough to let himself be pulled over to look at a set of rings. When I then explained what signet rings where, he then hauled over his brother to relay the info.

Yes, it was a museum, but it was fun. Both LL and I love our history, and being able to see that enthusiasm picked up is just such a treat. Having three kids actively enjoy looking in dry duty display cases, how cool is that?

To the moon

2007-11-14T20:21:00.000Z

Trying to gain new business is a tricky thing. There are times when there is a clear process with the client. You have a written brief of what they want and how they are going to choose a vendor. Then there are times when it is vague. When the client knows they want something, and in particular want something fairly different and new. So they haul in a number of vendors and see what they have to say.

Just did one of those later types of presentations. We thought we knew what the client wanted, thought we had a pretty good idea how to do it, thought we where presenting good solid leading edge thinking and capability.

Thing was, they weren’t looking for leading edge, they wanted far out there bleeding edge. They wanted something so knew it hadn’t been done before, a rocket ship to take them to Mars. We showed them a rocket ship to take them to the moon.

The sad thing? They need a rocket ship to take them to the moon. It would give them huge benefit, and still put them at the leading edge of corporate development and marketing management. Mars is still achievable, but there are methods that get you to Mars from the Moon. Known technologies used in different ways, think of XXX. It still gets into space, but at a fraction of the cost of the shuttle.

Still, the client wanted Mars. Clearly someone had sold them a pup and said it would get them to Mars, no problem. Just give us the business and we’ll get you there, promise. I’m sure there was no deceitfulness, they had done there homework and were offering what they believed they could build. However, I know this space, what they want no one has done, and is highly, highly risky, and will take years, if not a decade.

Doesn’t matter though, we tried to sell a nice safe trip to the moon. Still risky, but controllable risk. Halfway through the meeting the senior client just stepped in, gave us a little lecture on him really wanting Mars, and after polite enough fair wells, said good bye.

Its nice being the client, you can do that. Not so nice being the vendor who’s spent a rather large amount of money building a plan the client pretty unambiguously didn’t want. Damn shame, we really got it wrong. Almost better not to have pitched, but sometimes you take the chance knowing you’ve got a good answer. Not this time though, we got it wrong.

Onwards, there are other clients who do want to go to the moon, and we know how to get them there.

A board

2007-11-13T02:17:00.000Z

Am abroad visiting the other side of the pond. Have just finished a 10 hour flight, had a meeting and a business dinner and feel distinctly like a board just hit me. Normal service will resume shortly...

No googling now, what possible company could I be visiting in Austin Texas?