Monday, September 05, 2011
Bittersweet
I'm not quite sure where August went. First it was here, then it was gone... So, a few catch up posts. We start with my holiday in Vancouver. It had a two fold purpose, get the family somewhere fun, and visit my mother.
The first purpose was a huge success. We had a great time. Mountains where climbed, huge trees were found, whales were watched in abundance, fish were not caught unfortunately, but fun was had trying, waterslides were slid, and we all learned to surf. We'll, I already knew mentally, though my body had quite forgotten. The kids and LL did brilliantly. My daughter was the best of us all, just popping up and surfing back and forth as if she was born to stand on a board. Finally got the kids hooked on sushi. Hard not to like it when it is that fresh and well prepared. It was also blueberry and cherry season, so we rather gorged on cheap and marvelous fruit. From that standpoint we had a marvelous time.
The visit with my mother though, was good, but just a bit sad. For those that have read for a long (long) while I started blogging when my father died. It was a follow on from a car accident that left my mother with ever so little brain damage. Odd things were changed, a sporadic loss of short term memory, a lessening of cognitive functions, her balance went a bit wobbly. All in all enough that she could mostly live on her own, but needed help.
Thankfully her sunny personality (mostly) remained the same, but it has meant we had a lodger living with her who got paid a bit to keep an eye out, and we've had a service in every day to take care of the house. But... she's been slowly deteriorating. What hurts is that my mother is not entirely my mother any more, there are parts of her that are lost, and, sadly, more are getting lost each year. So it was a bittersweet visit. So lovely to see her, but also sad.
The big decision was had with my sister. She's the one who lives in Vancouver and does so much in terms of taking care of our mum. She wanted a spare set of eyes, and a clearer head to talk to about this. With another sister who lives in the US, we cogitated and talked, and decided it was time that mum needed a different lifestyle that assisted living was a good answer, and one closer to where my sister lives.
Its a big step, mum values her independence, but then, part of the damage is she doesn't realise that she's damaged. Hard, hard, hard. We all worried at the decision, and also how she would take it. Clearly she had to be involved in the decision, it couldn't be a fait accompli.
Thankfully, though I left Vancouver in trepidation, as we were still talking it through, it has all worked out fine. Mum not only agreed with the decision, she was enthusiastic about it. Turns out, when she saw the option, it was closer to old friends, and would give her more freedom than she had today to do things, like the Opera, that she loves. So all's well that ends well.
But... it is still bittersweet...
The first purpose was a huge success. We had a great time. Mountains where climbed, huge trees were found, whales were watched in abundance, fish were not caught unfortunately, but fun was had trying, waterslides were slid, and we all learned to surf. We'll, I already knew mentally, though my body had quite forgotten. The kids and LL did brilliantly. My daughter was the best of us all, just popping up and surfing back and forth as if she was born to stand on a board. Finally got the kids hooked on sushi. Hard not to like it when it is that fresh and well prepared. It was also blueberry and cherry season, so we rather gorged on cheap and marvelous fruit. From that standpoint we had a marvelous time.
The visit with my mother though, was good, but just a bit sad. For those that have read for a long (long) while I started blogging when my father died. It was a follow on from a car accident that left my mother with ever so little brain damage. Odd things were changed, a sporadic loss of short term memory, a lessening of cognitive functions, her balance went a bit wobbly. All in all enough that she could mostly live on her own, but needed help.
Thankfully her sunny personality (mostly) remained the same, but it has meant we had a lodger living with her who got paid a bit to keep an eye out, and we've had a service in every day to take care of the house. But... she's been slowly deteriorating. What hurts is that my mother is not entirely my mother any more, there are parts of her that are lost, and, sadly, more are getting lost each year. So it was a bittersweet visit. So lovely to see her, but also sad.
The big decision was had with my sister. She's the one who lives in Vancouver and does so much in terms of taking care of our mum. She wanted a spare set of eyes, and a clearer head to talk to about this. With another sister who lives in the US, we cogitated and talked, and decided it was time that mum needed a different lifestyle that assisted living was a good answer, and one closer to where my sister lives.
Its a big step, mum values her independence, but then, part of the damage is she doesn't realise that she's damaged. Hard, hard, hard. We all worried at the decision, and also how she would take it. Clearly she had to be involved in the decision, it couldn't be a fait accompli.
Thankfully, though I left Vancouver in trepidation, as we were still talking it through, it has all worked out fine. Mum not only agreed with the decision, she was enthusiastic about it. Turns out, when she saw the option, it was closer to old friends, and would give her more freedom than she had today to do things, like the Opera, that she loves. So all's well that ends well.
But... it is still bittersweet...
